yesterday i sat in a coffee shop on hollywood blvd writing thank you notes to people who have helped me so much since september. the notes are coming a bit late because i kept procrastinating in hopes of giving people good news along with my thanks. as i was writing, though, i kept stopping and staring off into space, thinking of everything i have done in dc with the people i had notes for. everything they had helped me with, every beer we had shared, every time we had bitched about the city or about our jobs and every time i got to see my friends’ art up in a public forum. i got nostalgic, obviously. it was hard to write those thank yous because i realized how much each person has given me in the course of two years. and this isnt to say id been taking people for granted. i have often thought about how lucky i am to have met my friends in dc. but these thank yous were a good reminder.
when i moved to dc, i hung out with my ex and his friends. i was that girlfriend. and i didnt want to be that girlfriend and that was part of why i needed to get away from my ex – to have my own life and my own friends and my own identity and to not be so needy and dependent, because being needy and dependent was terribly frustrating because i knew it was happening when it was happening. i remember telling one of my friends that no one i knew in dc was making anything with their hands, or even really with their minds. and a big part of that was no one’s lack of creativity, but simply the fact that no one was settled and everyone was in a new job. but i didnt stick around with the kids from the brookings institute to find out where they went or what they would eventually make. i severed all ties and got a life.
and it wasnt easy and mostly it wasnt really fun until i got two feet to stand on and then i began to realize who my friends had become. they were photographers with amazing portfolios, kids who’d worked on documentaries i knew of, kids who played in bands that werent famous but that are quite entertaining, girls who silkscreen in their houses on wednesdays and boys who bartend at bars that are easy to spend hours in. and not to mention the fact that these people are nice. and dont talk about each other. and during this process of meeting people in dc, i became so much closer with the people in other cities. which has been wonderful. these are people who never make me second-guess our friendship and who remember my birthday and who send flowers on the day when it really matters and give cards on days when im in tears.
and i know this all is just bullshit that everyone experiences…i know that everyone is thankful for the people around them and that self-discovery is nothing new. i have known this every day in dc and i have generally been thankful for being able to grow in the last two years. except when im crying about it, and then im not so thankful even though i know i should be.
the moral of the story is simply that dc hasnt been my most favorite of places, and my life there hasnt been my most favorite of times. but i have always felt like the people would be the one thing id miss, and yesterday, as i was drinking caffeine and trying to ignore the salsa music, it all sort of hit me at once. and it’s a blessing to be surrounded by good people. and i dont know how i couldve done it without them.
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