things continue to be frustrating to me here at the homestead. mommie and daddie might be splitting up (this doesnt mean they dont love each other anymore though); i feel like im left to infer a lot of things still. though john and i both want better communication. (though he said he was leaving this weekend, was home last night, gone when we returned from dinner with rachaels grandparents, came in late and has now left again on sat morning [10.30am]. i heard him leave, but after asking what his plans were and getting no response, i have no idea if he is gone for the weekend now, if he is around, when he might be coming back, etc. i only bring this up because we discussed all this the other night and he said he would let me know a bit better when he might disappear. and yet, he has blown me off again. frustrating.)

in other news, vic called from work yesterday to give me a star wars update. 1. appearantly there are bit torrents out there not only of the original trilogy but of the new dvd set (already). its also important to note that these new dvds are a special-special edition, not the original, nor the special editions from 1998. the bastard cant stop fucking with these movies.

vic sent me a collection of files im happy to pass to people if they want, though they arent that exciting. in this collection were various jpgs, movs and mp3s highlighting some changes. 1. they reshot the emperor in empire (the hologram) and added new dialogue there with him saying that luke ‘must be the son of anakin skywalker.’ 2. they rerendered jabba in star wars. he looks more like jabba in episode 1 now, though somehow he still doesnt look like jabba in jedi. 3. they redubbed boba fetts lines to have him match jango fett from episode 2. this is a travisty – i heard the ‘he’s no good to me dead’ line. now with an australian accent. 4. finally, yes, they did replace the old anakin ghost in jedi with hayden christensian. (i dont even know how to spell his last name.) this is the most absurd for several reasons. 1. it makes no sense as to why vader would be 20something as a ghost. it completely throws away the whole idea of vader being redeemed, instead it reinforces the whole anakin/vader are different people bit. and 3. they didnt replace the entire ghost – just the heads. if you look hard, you can tell what a mismatch it is. its a piece of shit.

needless to say, im glad i have the original original trilogy on dvd now, cause this official set isnt worth spending any amount of money on. why do i want a further bastardized version of these movies? he is now taking the original trilogy and remaking it so it fits in line better with his new (shittier) trilogy. it is just awful.

if you want more information on this stuff, the sites vic sent me were episode3.net and millenniumfalcon.com

arg.

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if you read anything, read this.

and then this.

and then this.

and finally, this.

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i stretched last night, yawning at about 3am. again, a bad move.

healing is taking too long. this one is much more painful than the last one. though the timing and drugs are all different so its tough to compare really.

im causing trouble in the apt; im walking a ightrope and it sucks.

congrats to my sis; ive obviously known for months, but im real happy she can finally talk about it. its a big deal – getting into the #1 grad program in the country is a big deal for sure.

today im finishing up learning the basics of dvd studio pro, retagging some more mp3s (it looks like i might finish in this lifetime) and getting my email all in order.

after i typed that list out, i realized how lame it is – its all digital organizing. ug. ah well. its all long overdue. and theres not much more i can do sitting around the apt. there are only so many dvds i can watch at a time.

* * *

its weird. im sitting here watching the democratic convention.

im not in love with kerry; i am impressed with what ive seen of edwards thus far. its not like i have a choice this election season. i want bush gone.

i have no one really to debate or discuss politics. john has effectively removed himself from the election and politics for the season. i havent spoken to matthew in over 3 months (an altogether different story). roxy and i can talk about it, but we agree enough that its more commenting. when my father was here we got to debate a little. that was good.

man i hope bush loses. its going to be such an interesting election – i cant remember a more polorized election. i dont think i know any of these ’swing voters’ i keep hearing about. i dont even know that i know anyone who plans on voting for bush. (im sure im wrong here, but really, thinking about it, i cant recall anyone i know saying they plan on voting for bush.)

hopefully i wont have to move to another country when this is all said and done.

(ps, i am tired of hearing about mill workers. it seems like they are mentioned in some form or another in every speech every 5 minutes.)

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i have many crushes: the boy at work i always see and never meet, the guy who was equally attracted to me the other night on the metro, the boys i pass on the street. and then there is the guy who works at a bank that i pass each day on my way to work.

this man is likely too old for me. he has an office at the bank that has a full-glass wall that looks out at street level. he sits in one of those herman miller adjustable chairs. he uses a monitor that isnt flat.

this man is also likely way too boring for me. i mean, he works at a bank. a *retail* bank. and yet, i have had a crush on him for months.

this isnt the type of crush that is a legitimate crush — i dont know or like anything in particular about him, except that he is attractive. and probably what i like most about him is that i see him about once a week in the morning on my way in. he provides some sense of regularity to my mornings…i never see the same people on the metro, but this guy is someone who always makes me smile.

this is something i will miss when i move. or perhaps i wont really miss it, but i will appreciate that it had its place in my dc commuting life. it is the perfect memory to leave behind — a crush that was never intended to come to fruition, and me able to imagine once a week how unhappy i would be married to a man who worked in a bank, to crush him anyway, and to think about all the other possibilities that lie ahead.

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we’re off to cross half the country on the way back to richmond. if you love me at all, you’ll text me over the next three days so i don’t weep with boredom as we cross through some less fascinating states (ie, kansas).

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In terms of my family’s politics–that is, my mother’s side of the family–I’m far from being the furthest to the left. I’m well outdone by my grandfather and his partner Ursula. So, the last time I went to visit, Ursula and I were discussing Clinton, who I like and who she does not. Our conversations regularly become heated debates, and she finally said, “You just weren’t paying attention during his campaign in ‘92!”

I turned nine in November of 1992, and I told her so. She quieted down for a couple of minutes.

Ladies and gents, welcome to my family. Good times.

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stayed up to listen to the rest of ‘ender’s game’. liked it a lot. perhaps it would have been better to read it. probably could have finished it in half the time at the most. but this was a type of dramatic performance of the novel. there were several different narrators that took on the characters at various times, representing distinct ages and places. it worked for me. the only problem i have
with the book is an external one. sadly, i know about some of the moral/political positions/beliefs that the author, orson scott card, holds as he has made them very clear, using his fame to voice his opinions against gay marriage. something he certainly has every right to do. disappointing. i also happen to know that he’s a devout member of the church of jc of latter day saints. so i was constantly trying to analyze the themes for relevance to the religion. ultimately i believe that all religions are harmful. though i have less tolerance for some before others. almost certainly due to my upbringing in this
particular culture – i have grown to dislike it so much. still the book was good and i enjoyed it in spite of my reservations. it’s a minor modern classic of science fiction literature.

haven’t talked to greg since saturday. i’m sure he’s busy with the conference. plus i’m sure that he has lots of friends there with him. i’ll call him tomorrow and invite him to dinner at bay leaf. he leaves friday morning, so if wednesday doesn’t work out, we can always reschedule to thursday. i should probably call negin too. thank her for the advance notice on the birthday present, congratulate her on engagement. maybe even catch up a bit.

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