So on sturday night I went to see a country music band play at the request of a friend. Oh course this is a friend I haven’t seen in a bout three months and who i haven’t known them for that loong anyway
Always a little weird when that person asks you out for a n evening. So i went to see the band and It wasn;t the sucky kind of country, by that i mean it was more hank williams sr. as opposed to hank wiliams jr.
Also they had a mandolin. Always trust a band with a mandolin.

I had called andru earlier in the evening, to try and catch up with him but by the time he called from Chrispy’s phone i was drunk and could here anything at the following stop of tour de east village, where i had met up with a friend from work for some spoken word and rapping/hip hop something or other. Of course the music was good but it was all together too loud so we had to bail, because the concrete bunker this event was taking place in was not very well organized and the rappers seemed loathe to rap.

I feel bad about not having seen andru yet but i have been sick, then we a had a big snow storm, then I was working all week, and also I am seeing this girl so that is taking up increasing ammounts of my time.

Last week I fell down and injured my self at work. I was carrying a couple of lighting instruments and stepped into a hole so I hit my hip, head and cut the crap out of my finger. I feel that this was lucky because this hole was in fact about 60 ft above the ground, and had i fallen in with both feet instead of just the one I probably would have fallen right through the thin decorative wooden ceiling at wok and into the audience. So my head is a little tender, my finger a bit raw yet. But all in all life is pretty sweet.

RnR

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i am going off my anti-depressants.

i feel like that’s a big statement, and it’s still sinking in. three weeks ago i began, with my doctor’s awareness and encouragement, to wean myself off the paxil i have been taking since december of 2000.

i am ready.

the depression i have gone through in my life has always been very cause-specific. i went on paxil when i simply could no longer cope with the fact that my mother was very slowly dying of cancer. at that point i was crying myself to sleep most nights.

i can do this. i know what it is like now to function as a capable adult, and i will not lose this knowledge as the level of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors decreases gradually in increments.

i will slowly be free of the things that have become everday nuisances with taking paxil – increased appetite, sleepiness, and the oh-so-vaguely-described ’sexual side effects.’

in my first week in the most major dosage dropdown i will have, i definitely experienced the dizziness and ’sensory disturbances’ i was warned about. the feeling was strange – sort of like being fucked up, but somewhat not very pleasantly. it waned by the end of the first week. tomorrow i will take the next step down, to 10mg – half my original dosage.

i feel as though i am in the process of accomplishing something.

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i’ve had a week now of paralegaling. it’s been a great crash course, and, with the acknowledgement of my peers in confirmation, i have come to understand much of the office world. i used to laugh a lot at office space, and i loved the office, but now they mean something real to me. i suppose i’m glad for it. if nothing else, i’m glad for the new experience. at the same time, however, this new experience causes me to devalue my opinion by several points for anyone with an office job. i was giving undue credit up until now, i have realized.

other than that i’m trying to update my perspective on going out here. my pre-morocco template doesn’t fit. in my massive amounts of freetime, i’ve hit some message boards in search of answers to my music needs, and have come up with some good ones. as all things change, i need to get out and dance. i need to de-rust my moving parts and update my repertoire. if only rahsaan lived up here.

peace

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and this is what i get in voicemail back from chris. a language strewn, good natured voicemail.

listen. (mp3)

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the internet has made the world such a smaller place.

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’s broken heart

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I see you.

Shirt thief.

I see you steal my outerwear and then flaunt it in plain view. Why, just this weekend you snagged two of them! How long have you been doing this, now? A decade almost of stealing my shirts.

I might actually be vexed if you didn’t look so good in them.

So, cuddle up in my flannel. Relax in my waffle shirt. Wear them and think of it as an all-day hug from your husband, the guy who looks at you and falls in love all over again.

Just keep yer mitts off my rugby, though. That sucker’s mine.

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