the closer to the end i get, the less i have on my plate. but the remaining piece i am juggling get more intense.

i am down to five items: my thesis (for the show opening next saturday), my internship, my papers for my thesis, work and finding employment.

i got comments back from one of my thesis members this afternoon. in a move that should surprise no one, my paper needs some work. im not surprised; i have a really tough time writing kickass papers. my brain just cant work that way for some reason. so that was a bummer, though i dont think any of the issues are truly terrible. the worst is that i deviated from traditional structure and need to rearrange the paper to meet it. not the end of the world.

still, im stressed. i feel like my pants are down or something. that im going to get caught by surprise as i watch all these dates bear down on me.

i had a nice 12 hour day yesterday. came home, cooked dinner, had a martini (its been forever) and ate. and then collapsed. i crawled into bed at 10.30 and woke up at 7.30. read for about an hour and then fell back asleep until 10.30. 11 hours of sleep. and im still tired. and things arent slowing down.

as a bonus though, i got my amazon card afterall. and heres another great lesson – i asked for a balance transfer. and then paid off some of my card so the balance was less than the requested amount. and then i got the card with no mention of the transfer with it. but they had transfered that amount. so i suddenly have a bunch of credit on my old card. it didnt count as anything but an overpayment. sweetness. i was afraid id get screwed somehow. (the woman on the phone when i called to check laughed at me. it didnt seem mean, i dont know which part of all of this she found funny. but it was nice. i suppose because it was relieving that i hadnt manged to screw anything up.)

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oof.

i’m going going going these days. i’ve been thesising nonstop and will be until the end i fear. i have tough readers which is putting me through the wringer but will hopefully leave me with a nice paper at the end of it. i went to the senior art shows tonight with daniel and then to a latino hip hop festival on campus. he invited me to go to seb’s but i opted on home.

home was a good choice. annalily had changed purses and left her keys in the other one so she was sitting outside the apartment door waiting patiently. now, i’m desperately trying to get the motivation to work on a research paper. yuck. i forgot how much the end of semesters suck.

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I am baffled.

The pieces are the same size! They should take up the same space. The universe is playing tricks on me – and I hate that.

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i am exhausted. the days i teach wear me out. i get home exhausted…but then get fired up about completing some project around the house and don’t take time to rest. the result is usually me falling asleep on the couch at 7:30. it isn’t too glamorous…the life of a teacher.

it was a good day though. i am teaching music right now. not that i have much experience with music, but i am doing okay. we are preparing for an assembly for the parents and grandparents in three weeks. it is a lot to do. today i taught the children the poppleton stick dance, the may pole dance, and we worked on a song in serbian. to get all that done with a group of 6 to 9 year olds felt awesome. i stood and watched the children play at days end filled with happiness, pride, and a sense that the performance would go really well. next week i step back and the main music teacher comes back to fine tune things. i am ready to step back, happy with what i have accomplished in two months with these children and aware that i am about maxed out. i’ll be there for the performance, to help guide the show, and to watch the parents and grandparents over flow with joy in watching their children sing and dance. that will be great! that will be a moment to cherish, one to hold on to when i am exhausted after my day…even now the thought of it gives me some energy.

now to play with the new ipod!!

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im very tired. its 12:30 and i worked a 12.5 hour today. and will walk in to more of the same tomorrow.
i guess its the fad on this site to post about how much we hate jason mraz this week. i don’t know him enough to hate him though. i only met him once, and it was because my band and his band were playing a show together. he seemed nice enough to me, didn’t come across as a dick. i have no idea where most people i went to high school with are now. if they are successful in their careers, i’m happy for them. even if they did change. most people do change after high school. and in the entertainment industry, there is a simple marketing technique called your ‘developing your image’, or ‘branding yourself’. it’s the style that people will come to associate you with. I remember when we played that show with Mraz, he was wearing a mesh trucker hat, and selling them at the merch booth. We (my band at the time) all were a little confused and thought it was kind of cheesy. (this was right after jason had signed with the label, and wasn’t a huge rockstar yet) But 6 months later and he’s all over the place and everyone is wearing those stupid trucker hats. I’m not saying mraz coined that style, I’m just mentioning it.
anyway, i didn’t mean for this post to be about jason mraz. i could care less what clothes he’s wearing now. But I seriously hope he isn’t wearing the same style of clothes he was wearing in high school.
I think the only thing more annoying about people being overly trendy is people constantly bitching about other people being overly trendy.

okay, i just read carter’s post. you want to know a band i could really hate? OAR. I can’t stand their music. any other reason than that? not really. i just really cannot stand them. and from the musical community that i ran with on the road, that was also the general concensus from other bands that had played with them.

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i have been berated by chrispy for picking fights with 15 year olds.

also, i am wired beyond belief on coffee.

and trying to (re)write a bunch of php code.

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the past had a way of haunting me and the people around me in strange ways yesterday. was it a full moon?

yesterday afternoon i talked with brad, who sits next to me in the studio, about the people we went to high school with who became marginally famous. brad went to school with the band OAR, and was childhood friends with one of the members. OAR came to play here at yale yesterday (has anyone heard of them, by the way? i still dont know who they are), and i think seeing them brought back a lot of memories and some odd feelings for brad. because they are playing the same songs theyve always played and brad is doing something new and different with his life.

i mentioned mraz to brad, although not by name. i couldnt bear a discussion of ‘do you know who that is? he’s like john mayer, but not?’ … and then i got on the site later tonight and read tripp’s post. and talked to tripp about how i feel so much better about my life than i did three years ago. and how the past seems so small to me now. not that mraz was ever a part of my past. but when mraz was having his 15 minutes, i was in closer contact and vicinity to people from high school whom i detested, so i probably lumped him into all of the things i was thinking about lee davis at the time.

and after all of my amusement last night about how the past is over, and my relative relief that for me, the past really is the past and im done with ‘what-iffing’ my life, my ex boyfriend sends a friendster message to me asking me to be his friendster. and i just have to wonder — why have the events in my life aligned just so? i cant help but still feel like the past is past and i dont need to make it my present. im over it. im done.

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