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so i’ve been here five months now, a lil more. i’m seeing progress, and i’m wanting more. things are beginning to settle down as far as my actually being here, living here, so the itch to do all the extraneous things is growing. i haven’t touched my memoir project in months, but can’t decide whether to go back to that, continue the second project i left in the middle back in rabat, or to start something completely new. my music is progressing as well, but i have begun to move in new directions that leaves me less sure of where exactly to push my product.

i’m looking into a martial arts place that will hopefully be to my liking this evening. i need something physically challenging; the mental challenges i can provide myself, while my job provides neither. the job is great, however, in that it provides money. and lo should i not worship money in this country, for what would become of me?

it still hasn’t gotten consistently warm here yet. i don’t mind it too much because it promises a late, hot fall. i want the warmth, i don’t much care what season it happens in. and with the warmness, i’m getting some rollerblades this week. chrispy found a brand new pair sitting at his old place and brought them into the city, and he just happens to live a few blocks from one of the main entrances to central park. i foresee us having a lot of fun tearing up the roads and paths within the park.

peace

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for hours yesterday tripp, kurt, and i sat in the apartment, each on our own laptop, transferring music files, creating desktops, browsing the internet. it amazed me how social this felt, especially as we were hardly talking. tripp and kurt tell me this sort of “hanging out” is not uncommon in their place. it was new to me…but nice and bonding somehow. i ended up with some great new music and even a bit more computer knowledge. these two guys are so over my head with their knowledge…it rules.

the sun shines and eventually i will head to the roof top, lay on a lounge chair and look out over the city, watching palm trees wave and these amazing purple flowering trees dot the landscape. i like that view of LA. for now i am at a cafe…pondering life, thinking of people at home, wondering what i can manifest for myself for next year. i am reading a book by deepak chopra called the seven spiritual laws of success, it wasn’t something i was sure i’d enjoy…but i am enjoying it. i like chopra in general, his blend of eastern philosophy with daily life…his ability to draw the spiritual into things is fantastic. he isn’t saying much i don’t know, but the way he says it still draws me to reflect. i am only a bit into the book, just finishing a chapter on giving. “in our willingness to give what we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.” a simple challenge for the rest of my day…of my life.

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today was another grueling day. i worked outside, mom worked outside helping me some and then working on her projects, and guy worked inside cleaning out his shit that has taken over the den. he’s making progress. today, i shoveled the whole trailer of mulch out by myself. i also dug a trench into which i planted about five pots of lariope and then i dug another trench for three more. then guy and i went to home depot for more supplies. we got a cover for one of the drain pipes in the yard and we got some little gravel to fill into the japanese-type edging we made for the walkway and we got a huge 12′ x 4″ x 6″ decking pole that i will halfway bury tomorrow to create edging between the gravel by the walkway and the grass in the yard. after we got back, around 5p, i shoveled a pile of mulch that has been sitting in our yard for maybe six months. mom had started on it but hadnt finished. and before i completely finished, i had to quit. i am so tired.

tomorrow i have to email a bunch of people about getting a job for the summer. and then i have to bury that pole and flatten the mulch. and then i have to try to clean up my room and hang my pictures the way i want them. and make a few phone calls about all the gravel and flat rock we’re having delivered. mom and guy and i are thinking about making two little dry stack retaining walls in the mulch at the front of the house that would be short and stair-stepped and would have little plants spilling off the top. that will be my next project after we get a few more plantings done in the yard. i have never built a dry stack wall but i do know how to level dirt and dig trenches so i think i can do it.

most of my yard talk is really for the benefit of tripp. i know y’all probably dont care but i figure he knows the areas im talking about and will maybe be pleased with all the effort that has gone into making things look better. i just cant stand an ugly yard so im glad things are getting done. even if i have to do them, it makes me feel better.

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where have i been?

i didnt realize it had been so long since i posted. i sent carter home last tues, rachael came on thurs, andrea arrived on sat and i sent rachael off on sun.

andrea is here until next sat and rachael might be back down here before she leaves.

i love seeing everyone, but it does make it more difficult to get things done. but im trudging ahead with my laundry list of items. in another couple of weeks, i should be all done. which is nice.

i havent been reading enough which is a bummer. but thats pretty much ok, as i have been constructive on other fronts.

andrea made us vegan risotto last night and we ate and drank up on the roof. it was fun. and surprisinly adult.

no one here has any plans for today — im all ready to grill and sit in someones backyard. but kurt is mia, sam is at her fathers, keren didnt answer her phone and bridget is in san fran. all of my event planners are being as lazy as i am. whats up with that?

plus kenningston gardens and the getty are closed today and the beach will be more packed than anything i can imagine. the list of fun things to do on a nice memorial day in los angeles seems to be shrinking rapidly.

nuts to a lack of friends being around. or something.

i should go swim laps soon. itll be something to do i suppose.

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i am in LA. it is early here, my body is still finding the west coast time zone. but i like quiet mornings, being in a place where others sleep. yesterday i did some solo exploration of tripp’s surroundings while he went to brunch with rachael and family. first impressions of a place are great. wandering streets you don’t know at all and just letting them hit you as they will. taking in new smells, new sensations, new people, and trying to find the familiar in all the newness. it took me awhile to find that, but i sat writing in a cafe, drinking a mate latte and there i found the string connecting LA to the rest of my world. the walk home was less new, more comfortable. i headed to the roof of the apartment to make some calls and enjoy the wonderful views. it wasn’t until then that i felt really here. a wise being once pointed out that it often takes longer to fully arrive in a place than it takes to get there in body.

the rest of the day was mellow, but nice. spent catching up with tripp over errands of course. we ate a nice dinner on the roof with kurt and watched ali g. oh how i laughed. maybe it was the beer or the company, but i haven’t laughed like that in too long. it was great! it is good to be here…to dive in for a bit to tripp’s world.

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today was exhausting. we got a ton (literally) of mulch that we had to hand-shovel from the dump. we also finished widening the left side of the walk. and we planted three boxwoods and about three pots of lariope, trimmed the trees and plants in front of the living room, planted three large flower pots with annuals, and sprayed the mulch in the front of the house for weeds. o, and guy finished shoveling the 1/2 ton of gravel that i didnt finish yesterday. o, and i cleaned up the woodpile by restacking wood and getting ride of the torn cover we had on it. whew.

tomorrow, i will finish planting about seven more pots of lariope next to the walkway and i will rake out the one ton of mulch that we got today. after that, i’ll still have 5 tons of gravel to shovel, maybe a dry-stack wall to build, and some bushes to plant. o, and yesterday and today have also included me moving a new desk and dresser into my room by myself and so i also want to rehang pictures this week because theyve gotten all fucked up since i took half of them to new haven last summer.

i have been listening to country since i got home. i actually heard a song last night that was something about how the singer was a decent person even though ‘i watch cnn but i probably dont know the difference between iraq and iran’ — GOOD LORD. people like that dont deserve to have an opinion about the war. and speaking of, i sat next to a marine on the plane ride home from LA. he was pro-war and gave me reasons that the war shouldve happened like ‘well, we were bombing iraq all during the clinton years, which a lot of people dont know’ and ‘well, we used to be friends with iraq during the iraq/iran war’ … and i wanted to tell him all of the reasons i disagree with the way the US was persuaded to go to war, but i bit my tongue simply said ‘well, even if we arent losing a huge number of troops (which was another of his arguments), we are still spending a LOT of money’ … which is obviously not debateable.

i like some really terrible country songs. some i like just because they are pop-ish catchy songs. songs like that would be ‘deeper than the holler,’ ‘mr. mom,’ and ‘back when.’ then, there are even more tacky songs, like ‘girls lie too’ and ‘redneck woman’ which i think are just AWFUL, tasteless songs, but i like them anyway. these songs express the attitude of the south, for the most part. and even though i think im a relatively well-traveled, educated person, i get a kick out of this attitude. i dont know how to describe it except that it is void of pretense (for the most part) and i adore people who can do without pretense. i just have no use for it.

i have to go to sleep. it’s 10 15 and i have loads of work ahead of me tomorrow.

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The clouds are pink and languid on their perches above the horizon, lazing in anticipation of sunset, as if unaware that they are also main players in the day’s closing show. They tower in great, cottony mounds that are reminiscent of landscapes painted by the old masters as they sat on the shores of the Mediterranean with easel and oils.

It’s beautiful. And it’s been that kind of day.

The morning unfolded with breakfast for the boy before I went off to play hooky, my mountain bike snuggled into the trunk and backseat. New trails unfolded in front of me as I took a leisurely ride past a beaver’s pond, through woods and winding trails, past moss covered boulders the size of small sheds. I chided my inner, worried voice for suggesting brakes on a long, fast descent. The trail wanted speed; it demanded it. A slight tugging on the breaks at the thought of hitting the deck at 25 mph caused the rear wheel to waiver and skitter. No, brakes just wouldn’t do. I pedaled harder and control return, the bike straightened out, and a smile stretched across my face. In the meadows, the wild grasses were a yard high, the trail across just six inches wide. Each tiny lashing from the heads of thousands of green blades made me feel deep inside the small, secret glee of a pleasurably tortured masochist.

What a wonderful sensation to lose myself for a time on that trail; what a wonderful sensation to carry that memory with me now.

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