1. meat.

i don’t spoeak russian, so i can’t explain this, but i can say there are a ton more images of women wearing meat on their heads on this live journal post.

2. creepy knitted stockings.

see more of these masks.

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i said it above, but i’ll say it again: spoilers. for spider-man. comics.

ok, still with me? i’ll save that piece until after i say this:

1. dan brown’s newest book is going to be based on masonic rites and the us government/washington dc. let’s get this straight: i hate this guy’s writing. i read ‘the da vinci code.’ and here is the issue: everything that was interesting in that book? every idea that seemed even slightly interesting? he stole them. all of them, completely. part and parcel from ‘holy blood, holy grail.’ in fact, i’ll just say he re-wrote that book, wrapping a paper thin and totally stupid fiction plot around it.

this latest news is just uber-lame. why?

because the same people who wrote ‘holy blood, holy grail’ wrote a book on the masons and the architects of the us, called ‘the temple and the lodge’. they took brown to court over the last book, but the case got thrown out: they claim their work is non-fiction and, because of that, dan brown is free to pillage the ‘facts’ as he sees fit.

but seriously? to make a huge career not only ripping other people off, but to rip off the same people over and over? tasteless.

and the second reason this is lame is because we have all seen (oh, admit it) ‘national treasure’. which, gasp, is about masons, secret societies, washington dc and the founding fathers.

[via vulture]

2. the spider-man thing. first, radioactive spider-sperm, now this.
so, for the last zillion months, marvel has been talking about, hyping, hinting about a storyline called ‘one more day.’ basically, aunt may got shot and is going to die…and peter has the option to save her. here, let me just quote the spoiler, so you can hear for yourself how dumb this is going to be:

We literally get (spoiler) Mephisto showing up out of nowhere and actually literally says “I want your love… I want your marriage.”…It’s a crazy, nonsensical scene – Mephisto has no motivation to be there or make that offer, other than a generic “Well, he’s the devil” one; even his stated reasoning – “I want that which gives you joy, that which sustains you in your moments of greatest despair” – doesn’t make sense because, dude, why does he care about Spider-Man in the first place? Doesn’t Mephisto normally go up against Thor or Ghost Rider or someone? And more importantly, if what he wants is to undermine Spider-Man’s moral center and security, then he’d let Aunt May die, not offer this cut-rate Faustian bargain.

[via the savage critic]

there is some more, but basically this entire piece of shit has been contrived to get spider-man out of his marriage with mary jane.

yeah, you read that right.

i’ll wait.

ok.

now, if you don’t see the problems here, let me try to highlight a couple real fast, before i get so upset that i begin to weep.

firstly, peter and mj have been married now for decades. (well, almost — 20 years in march, 08.) decades. in fact, this is how i know the character. this isn’t me petitioning for status quo, this is me saying that, at some point, a change can become absorbed into the character. it happens.

and, with spider-man and mary jane, it has happened. the world knows that peter ends up with mj. even when the eic of marvel talks and talks about hating the marriage and about how the marriage limits the stories that can be told, he is wrong.

secondly, its a stupid story. that should be obvious by the above quotes.

and thirdly, it seems even more boneheaded when spider-man 3 (the movie) has been out for a year and the ending, once again, makes it clear that these two characters are supposed to be together.

gah. it’s just absurd. and stupid.

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so i don’t usually do this, but then, i never get these from anywhere other than petunia. so i’ll indulge.

april tagged me with a ’say 7 secrets’ meme. now, as i said, i don’t usually do these things. but i believe april made 2 faulty assumptions here, one building on the other.

the first is that i would see that she had tagged. because other than mentioning it in her post, she didn’t give me a heads-up. fine, fine. though i have blogs by friends who i dont read regularly, so i dont think its clear-cut that i would see this.

but the second is the reason i might not have caught it. because april has not told me she is writing online again. i only found out i had been tagged when i noticed some traffic from her site and wondered what the hey was going on. nice one, april. you were in my feeds, but i had shifted folders around and hadn’t seen your latest wave of writing. oops.

but here we are, so let’s see what seven secrets i can whip out for you that aren’t totally obscene, freaky or depressing.

1. i have recently figured out that my job, and indeed, my life, requires a fair amount of control. by me. i think it has to do partly with being sick and lack of control that inflicted upon me.
2. i hate that the skin on my face is fucked up but am loathe to take too much medicine to try to help it. additionally, it got worse after being sick, for whatever reason. every doctor i have ever spoken to about it has refused to believe me that they are related.
3. i had a 20 second crush a few minutes ago as i got on the train. sadly, she sat elsewhere in the train and i will probably never see her again. especially since i’m riding a train that is an hour later than my usual one.
4. though i make myself sick with anxiety in trying to decide if roxy is the right girl for me, i’m also fairly positive i will marry her. though this just increases my anxiety because ‘what if she isn’t right for me…and i end up with her anyway?’ the logic is circular and like every other relationship i have ever been in, i commit myself so totally that i feel completely trapped before there is even any notion of a future.
5. i am listening to ‘no more tears’ by ozzy right now. and you know? it fucking rules. in fact, i’m going to have to listen to it a second time.
6. ok, that doesn’t count as 5, because it really isn’t a secret. and this doesn’t count as 6 either.
5. i am planning on a large amount of creative output in the next 6 to 8 months. writing, books, animation, drawings, videos and dvds are all on the plate. i’ll post as things firm up.
6. i’m terrified of rachael moving for grad school and having to make the decision to move with her or not. this is not so secretly referred to as ‘the talk we aren’t allowed to have yet.’ coupled with secret #4, i believe i have an unwise amount of anxiety about my relationship with her. this too only causes more anxiety.
7. i have, not so tastefully, suggested recently to roxy that we get a girlfriend. and explained the notion by saying it would be like ‘getting a dog that talks. and that we could dump.’ if you find this to be not so surprising, i would like to say i was at least 33% joking. this, again, may or may not be a secret. but it is somewhat horrible to be admitting publicly. so it stays.

i’m not as high strung as i sound by these; i actually just tried really hard to admit things i don’t usually admit. at least in writing, publicly.

plus, ive posted (and will post again tomorrow) so much silliness, i thought i would be serious again for a moment.

and now i think i get to tag 7 people with it.

petunia, aubrey, roxy, madame levy, kurt, lisa, ray and hima (8, because i think hima will rebel. but still, i want to see what she does.)

edit: well fuck. re-reading the meme rules, it’s facts, not secrets. so i just said a bunch of personal stuff for no real reason. well, secrets are more interesting than facts, so i’m changing the rules a bit. that’s right. secrets it is. if i’m going down, i’m taking you with me. die fish devil!*

* quote from ben in ‘mask of evil.’ it rolled off my tongue. or something.

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turns out that other people noticed the j.o tornado craigslist post…and then linked to us. ah, to be the repository of all that is right with the world…

of course, these people don’t seem to have discovered the joy of the rest of the hypotheticals, but soon. very soon.

ah, the joy in watching random traffic spikes.

added: i wondered, ‘how did they find the post after all?’ and lo and behold, we currently have the #2 spot on google for “jo tornado”. oh hell yeah.

also, i love that i made a tag called joIntoATornado.

another edit: i only now realize the main character in ‘twister’ is named jo. hm. now i do wonder if this ad is true.

one last edit: we are now number one on the goog. yes, welcome to the internet hotspot for “jo-ing into a tornado.” we are the only site you’ll ever need for discussing this fascinating topic.

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I bent low to sweep crumbs from beneath the table into the dustpan. As some of my blood reversed course and returned with expediency to my addled brain, I was struck with a notion, that my fears in this life make me very much like the servant who buries his one talent for fear of loss.

What I shall do with this notion, or even a thorough understanding of its meaning is as yet unclear. Of course, therein lies the rub, and the root.

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A little late, but I’ll make up for lost time with the next one.

“Nighttime, anytime, it’s alright.”

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when did i turn this blog into silliness about sex, comics and depression? sometime in the last 24 hours.

it seems ray and i aren’t the only people thinking about 90s comics these days. i’ve seen several articles recently talking about them. then, just a bit ago, vulture pointed to a list of the worst 40 drawings by liefeld. and i loved it way too much not to share.

for those of you who don’t know liefeld’s style, check out this image:

and let me say that this image was #40 on the list. 39 more, after you marvel at this.

the goggles! they do nothing!

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