dream states

why does writing this feel like such a big deal?….cause it is the
beginning…cause i am a chicken when it comes to starting new things…or
maybe because i am joining a world here…i know that on all sorts of
levels and it is odd. for so long i have been but an observer.
peeping into others lives, knowing them so well, so deeply yet (aside
from tripp, really) not at all. i wonder about the times when i will
actually meet the others here on this site, meet in person, face to
face that is…knowing all these funny little details about them but not
knowing what they look like laughing or listening intently, or what
their voices sound like. i was fascinated from the start with this
concept of an online community. fascinated at least partially because
i miss community…miss the feeling of community i used to know hanging
out in my neighborhood as a child. we lack community these days….a
fact highlighted so well in an article i read a few months ago on
starbucks of all places. it expressed how starbucks is actually
successful partially because they sell not only a decent cup of coffee
(arguable i know), but also a feeling of community. people can go to
their local starbucks, get to know the staff, have a usual drink, and
feel a part of a community. it struck me.

so… now i become not only a watcher, but also a participant in this
online community. it freaks me out and over joys me simultaneously.
now you too will know we as words and thoughts, impressions and
ramblings without knowing my laugh, my voice, or the wrinkles on my
forehead when i fret. but one day…i imagine that will change.

it is growing late for me, i melt sometime after 9:30. jason the
soon to be husband and destino the rabbit await a goodnight kiss…now
if only the lady downstairs would stop with the loud music maybe i
could sleep. apartment living…what a joy.