keeping secrets

i'm not good at keeping things to myself. jason is even worse. so keeping this under wraps has been a less than perfect exercise. in the first weeks jason told many friends…unable to hide his happiness. i told fewer people…though my family knew by week 5. for those still unclear on what the hell I am babbling about…i am pregnant. for anyone doing the math…i am due june 15. we managed to conceive our first child a mere five days after we were married. not planned at all…more of a "wow we are married, let's throw caution to the wind" sort of thing. needless to say we must have picked just the right moment. so that is the biggest news. it has been a big year. jason graduated law school. i graduated with a masters in education. jason got into northwestern on a scholarship, got a full time job as a lawyer, got a clerkship. we got married. and now a baby on the way. not bad at all. i apologize that the above sounds like a rough draft xmas letter (holiday letter i mean…i wouldn't want to offend anyone!)

we heard the baby's heart beat today for the first time. that was amazing. my heart beating slow, the baby's far faster. i didn't know how to react. i felt like laughing and crying. my worry faded. i've been worried about miscarriage. largely as a result of reading too much online. the internet is great…but it can be bad news. i read and read…and next thing i know i am a nut case. so that is what i did with pregnancy and with the possibility of miscarriage. not a good idea. i became a freak pain in the ass. and that on top of being nauseous a lot of the time, hating most foods i use to love (indian food is the nastiest stuff ever…and for anyone who knows me also my favorite food!), and being a roller coaster of emotions made for a really fun few months! but all is good now…the heart beat is still in my head…sounding like a sweet ocean. my heart grows each time i think of the sound.

so that is the news. i'll be waiting for the freaking out calls (tripp)!!