hua hadak

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in a general sense, i'm feelin a lot better about bein back in the states, me speakin. the faint, ticklish paranoia of being in a pseudo-new environment has gone away. as far as how i see my life at the moment, the only big issue for me is the fact that i have to pick up on my american life after two years of absence, and this poses all sorts of problems.

movies, music, books, art, all the things i like to keep up with, especially from a home base here stateside due to the international magnetism of the place for the rest of the world(in regard to those things), are something i'm mostly clueless about. i'm still trying to figure out which things that i liked have died out or are in recovery, and which things i didn't like haven't. people tease me about how i've been gone for two years, like i'm a poor thing or somethin. that's fine, although sometimes i react and bitch when people want to hear about my experiences there. in a night, if i hear this:

someone: "oh, look at me, i was in morocco for two years. i don't know what's going on…"

often followed by something like this:

lots of laughter

i smile and try not to get pissed. which works. until someone comes along later with:

someone: "so tell me somethin about your experience in morocco man…"

at that point, if i'm angered, i flip(though controllably so). cuz usually the person askin isn't the one who teased. but i can't take any prisoners. if i keep my cool, which it's getting easier to do as the days pass, then i try and throw out some 'new' phrase to make someone laugh and avoid answering.

as much as i talk a lot, and loudly, i don't like to dominate a conversation unless it's one on one and the other person is saying they're gonna vote for bush. so people askin about morocco is hard enough in the first place, if there's more than me and them present, cuz that's askin me to take the mic for a bit and i don't wanna. as i settle back in and get some time behind my belt, post-morocco, then it'll come up less and less in conversation. most people aren't that interested anyway, so it's fine.

my parents, when they get home from work, sit down and watch the national news together. i'm usually in the room either on the computer or reading. so i get to hear, and see, lots of general ass americans give their views on the upcoming elections. and my blood boils.

people are trying to talk about this election as if security and its relationship with international policy is the only issue. that's unfortunate, i think, because internally bush's stance towards our communities has not been helpful; equality, and efforts to establish it where it doesn't exist(nowhere, and utopias beside, the effort is what matters when talkin about the president and his men). if people weren't so scared and concerned about 'security', i think it would be a less close election.

the fact that the issue is security, and that normal ass americans are the ones talking about it, is what makes me angry. sure, a large percentage of middle aged folks have been to europe at least once, maybe even japan(an insular place where you don't see anything threatening, imo, and yes i've been there). that still leaves a whole lotta people that haven't been outside the states. and just leaving to rush around on a tourist rush isn't enough. i'm not trying to say i'm better because i spent a lot of time in one place, but even a couple weeks somewhere outside the states and hanging out with the people of that place will give you an idea of their opinions on the world.

and this is exactly what general ass americans don't have. they don't have the perspective of non-americans on the world, especially their perspective back on america. and our diplomats don't have the best views on the world either necessarily. all the americans i met involved in the embassy crowd in rabat only hung out with other americans in the embassy crowd so that they didn't have to be exposed to a moroccan's view of their own country or other countries, or an algerian's, or nigerian's, or guinean's, or spaniard's, or any number of the different peoples living in rabat.

the threat to security is coming from extra-national threats(those that are already inside the states came from outside, in the 'war on terror' — obviously mcveigh and his ilk don't count or a lot more white guys with buzz cuts would be locked up indefinitely). our people have no idea about the countries where these threats are coming from, and they have no idea about the countries that are near those threats. our people have no idea about the international community's view on terrorism and world safety — most nations are more scared of the states and what our next move will be than of any other nation.

the whole notion of a 'war' on terror is ludicrous, but if global terrorism is to be contained(because no one is interested in remedying the causes of it, so it won't go away; just take a look at how much we care about solving the problem we started in israel for one example), the global community needs to cooperate. cooperation takes a degree of patience and a degree of trust, neither of which i have seen bush show any sign of being capable of doing.

so, people. all you 'security moms' as i heard on the news tonight(what a load of shite, you think only the previously known as 'soccer moms' have the monopoly on caring about being safe in their homes?!) need to take a moment and think. do you want our country to rush solo into the bushes, hoping to kill the threat by ourselves, or move in with the help of the rest of the world and ensure peace for all? cuz the choice is obvious. if you want suicide, pick the current guy who got us into this hornet's nest.

and for all you older people that think only young people have the crazy ideas that they can change the world, make it better, this is your chance. bein around longer doesn't let you close your mind to the true state of the world, or to the new ideas and circumstances floating around in it. if you want this country to survive, you gotta stop following the herd and think for a minute. one little vote is going to affect the whole world.

peace