It’s been forever since I’ve written here, or much of anywhere.

Something thickened. Something spread. For the first time since school, I feel like I’ve got a routine that’s sustainable, meaningful, worthwhile. Work has picked up; I got a new title (a promotion!) and a new set of projects. I wrote a ghost of a poem, or some everclear play in the office last week. I find more time to take phone calls, and to make them. I broke up with someone, just because we didn’t fit quite right, and I already met someone new. I got rid of half my clothes and most of my shoes. I cut my hair the same way twice in a row. I’m steadying. I swear I’m steadying.

It feels really fucking good. I’ve shed some old skin, stopped breathing the thin air of some atmospheric layer of old people and new things, and something’s distilling. I breathe steadier and I breathe deeper. I get angry when I feel angry. I smile when I’m happy and I speak up when I’m not okay. I know when I’m not okay! (This is its own revelation.)

And I’ve got a thickening skin, a tiny cohort of friends and coworkers who have shown me a new way of thinking critically (and kindly) about my constellations of family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances. They’re so kind, so calm, so honest, and so close. Maybe this is a thank you to them.

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