i want to be buried in a hole

suggested track: "gluing carpet to your genitals doesn't make you a cantaloupe" by the locust

break hasn't been much of a break at all. i've been way too stressed about loans to be able to have any kind of break. most of the break i could feel my heart pounding against the inside of my chest. i haven't been sleeping (although that's hardly a change), i haven't been able to properly digest food, giving me the faucets, and incredible nausea. so it was very difficult to enjoy what little time i had with friends and family. on top of that i am just beyond fucked, because i see no resolution to this situation. i have no idea what to do.

new year's was fun. and to clarify andy denton tried my forbidden bottle of mystery. he said it tasted like barbecue sauce, although by the expression on his face and exclamations of disapproval it couldn't have been very good barbecue sauce. what i enjoyed the most was the chemical reaction my forbidden bottle of mystery II made. with nobody near it the lid blew off the top. this made me very happy, that i somehow created a volatile substance. good thing no one drank any. needless to say bottle II was dumped out immediately.

i was glad to see everybody, and actually found myself wishing i had some more time. and also wishing that i could've made it to maine. i wish all my friends would leave virginia, so i wouldn't have to visit a place that i fucking hate so much. that damn city will probably never retract it's hooker ridden claws.

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i forgot to do linda's questionairre earlier. here goes:
why do you post on this website? because i was asked to.

2. three things you consider beautiful
friendship, intelligence, pigtails on a girl with a nice rack
3. favorite children's book where the sidewalk ends
4. what are you wearing right now? clothes
5. when you watch a video or DVD, do you watch previews or fast forward through them? fast forward
6. what was your first word? dada, i think
7. do you consider yourself an elitist in any area? what? yes. printmaking.
8. in what position do you sleep? on my back. usually with my ankles croseed, and sometimes with my arms crossed over my chest. much like a mummy, which is creepy.
9. favorite flavor of ice cream mint chocolate cookie
10. guilty pleasures none of my pleasures bring me guilt
11. what is your idea of a dull evening? sitting around with others talking about what a dull evening this is
12. "romeo and juliet" – believable romance or two dumb teenagers? dumb teens
13. a trend that annoys you hats worn backwards, or worse yet, visors worn backwards and upside down. what the fuck is the point?
14. a trend you actually enjoy/appreciate i can't think of one
15. the last thing that made you cry stranger dying
16. what does the world need now? me getting laid a lot
17. pet peeves leaving the toilet seat up, when people sit in my chair at the table.
18. would you cheat on your taxes if you knew you could get away with it? of course. i would do just about anything if i knew i could get away with it.
19. something you dislike about yourself i can be overly obnoxious
20. the best 80s cartoon he-man
21. most frequent daydream essentially, that i get a job when i am out of school
22. do you get along with your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends? sure
23. one thing you feel optimistic about getting a cup of tea and a big cookie when i finish this
24. one thing you feel pessimistic about my future at this university
25. online journals – narcissism, art, or something in between? somewhere in between