the sweet smell of death

suggested track: "insect" by maharahj

i didn't get a TA interview. the past 24 hours have been so bad. i've cried about five times since i found out, i am constantly on the verge of tears, and most of the time i feel nauseaus. i am walking around like a zombie. i'm completely devatated and demoralized. i'm not even getting the opportunity to prove myself to the department. i feel completely shitty, and i am having a hard time trying to stomach the thought of working in the dps again, even if i am the PA. everyone of my friends here got an interview. i feel like the big loser of the bunch. and on top of that the person that virtually everyone feels is the worst student here, got an interview. i just feel so bad. this is what i want to do with my life. i want to be a part of academia and teach, and i can't even fucking cut it here, how the hell is someone going to hire me when i graduate, where the competition is ten fold. i feel as though my dreams have been crushed. i'm so goddamn low right now. i can't remember when i've felt this bad. i don't even know what to do anymore. i'm giving serious consideration to leaving school. on top of that i'm sure that i did shitty my art history mid term. go me.