schaefer beer est in 1842

i just dont know where to start. i have been incredibly busy this semester, which is why ive been posting less. and my friend bethany is in the program now, and she sits next to me in the studio, and so i have someone to talk to here instead of listing all of my thoughts online. soon, i'll get to go home to virginia. someone here is making a movie about why people left home and why they miss it, and they showed a draft in class today, and it made me long long long for home. ive been longing for virginia all semester but not in a sad way. this video made me sad. it seemed to make more pronounced the differences in my two selves — the southern me and the northern me, the me as a real person and the me as a stressed student, the things i change about myself when im in a different setting. the hard part is that these things dont seem so conflicting inside of me but i feel that whenever i let them out, they seem like theyve been repressed and compartmentalized. i wish i were better at being all parts of me at once instead of playing to certain strengths at certain times.

ive been spending a lot of time thinking in the last few weeks. at some point (last week, i think?) i became overwhelmed by people and had to make an effort to spend some time by myself. it's amazing that since i left college, i have gone from needing people to always be around me to needing a good deal of solitude. i just get exhausted when im always with people now. for some reason, this feels like progress.

im so glad tim kaine won in virginia. but what about his quote that his election proved that virginians agree on non-partisan politics and FAITH IN GOD? isnt tim kaine supposed to be a democrat? and he'd already WON the election… he didnt have to fake it anymore. absurd.