beijo

there are men in my life who like to flirt with me. and they all have girlfriends. or they are, for one reason or another, not dateable. have i written about this before?

im sure i have. im writing about it now not because it bothers me so much (though it must bother me enough to write about it), but because i find that i am trusting men less and less these days. and it isnt just that the boys are my age; their ages vary. but it seems that girlfriend or no girlfriend, the men around me seem to think that under the guise of friendship, anything goes. this isnt pervasive — it isnt overwhelming or non-stop. but it has happened with enough frequency this semester that i, at times, feel like an imaginary cum rag: though im not hooking up with random people, it seems that at some moment or another, particular people think it's okay to use me to fill some sort of sexual void in their life. and we must all do this: isnt this what flirting is? dont i use people when i want to flirt, knowing that im not going to enter into a relationship anytime soon? is this wrong?

i know there is nothing wrong with flirting…and if these men in my life didn't have significant others, it wouldnt bother me so much (though flirting often bothers me because it feels so superficial). but what role am i supposed to play as the 'other woman'? especially when im not pursuing these men?

i dont mean to be accusatory; this isnt a big deal. i just feel really thrown off by the fact that taken men flirt and cheat as if it's no big deal. it's amazing to be the single girl — the perspective is totally flipped. it's kind of like being a female in a fraternity and being privvy to all the boy talk…i feel like a vault of secrets at times and i just want to be sure im not being irresponsible.