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the last few nights, ive had crazy-good dreams about people whom i admire and adore here. there are a few people in my program who mean a great deal to me, and theyve been coming to me in dreams in the most fantastic ways. it's somewhat reassuring. last semester people thought i was withdrawing, when in actuality i was just working in a downstairs room because my computer was going through phases of being somewhat fucked-up to totally fucked. but now, i do feel myself withdrawing. i just dont tell people much here, and what i do discuss is generally surface-talk or things that dont affect me that personally. which has been somewhat sad this semester, in addition to the fact that some people here are almost completely intolerable at times, and at other times are somewhat charming. i certainly dont loathe anyone here. but i do loathe at times. in moments. and these dreams ive been having have in some ways been helping me deal with that. and also with the fact that several of my close friends here will be leaving in may and i will miss them terribly.

for now, i just feel like im existing on my own plane. and im not uncomfortable there. i dont know if everyone else is, or not.