what was that about?

all i want right now is to go home to richmond, sleep in, go for runs in the morning, stop by ukrop's, play with the kittens, make healthy dinners, hang out with elisa and jaffray and becky and sue and jennifer and mom. i know why im homesick, there are many reasons, but i wonder if the feeling will ever turn into anything else. will i always revert to wanting to be where i grew up or will i, at some point, wish for some other time in my life? it just amazes me how my quality of life goes up when im home. i eat better. i exercise outdoors rather than in a gym. i am not as stressed. i walk around a clean house in sock feet and i enjoy doing housework. this trip might include some painting and some yard work. and when i go home im in good hands. people love me, people know me, people express these things.

bethany and i were talking the other night about our friends here. bethany and i are pretty lucky: we met in dc, worked together at geographic, hung out a fair amount in our first year in a new place. as time went on, i became busy with classes and applications for grad school and bethany became busy with work and her boyfriend. but we still had lunches, got drinks, talked about our own graduate applications. bethany came to yale this past fall. and she knows a lot about me — she's been to my house in richmond, she knows all about my adventures (and boredom) in dc. and now she's here. bethany and i were talking the other night about our friends here, and how so many of our friendships are surface. i adore so many people here, but i adore them based mostly on my interactions with them and not on actual conversations. ive had some great conversations here, sure. but in two years, it's amazing how i know intimate details about people here — how many people some have slept with, where people hang out in new york, which artists they admire and who they hate — but yet i dont know full stories. im not quite sure how to explain this because i do think our group is unusually tight. but since i have so few intimate conversations with people (since we always hang out in groups), i feel like even though i spend 24/7 with people here, they know relatively little about me and i about them. it's a bit unsettling. id like to change it.