dollface

today i worked in the yard all day at home. i extended the grass line in an area that we grassed last summer, i added grass seed and straw to the dirt, i seeded another patch of grass, i watered some evergreen trees we planted yesterday, i watered bushes, i edged the front yard, i planted (with guy's help) three little spreading flowering bushes in the front mulch, and i remulched some areas that needed it. yesterday, mom and i cut back the lariope and sprayed the weeds and planted two leyland cypresses. today guy blew the leaves out of the front yard and driveway and side yard.

i love working outside. when i have a house, im going to work on the yard as much as possible when i first move in. i just love pretty yards and i really want one. at this point in life, i would love to be able to buy a cottage to renovate the inside and outside and live by myself for awhile in an all-white interior and wooden and stone exterior (yellow siding with white trim and black shutters? white siding with dark green shutters and white trim?). i would have a big dog and cable and big couches and a giant cast or porcelain kitchen sink and wood floors and a second story with sloped ceilings and only a couple rooms. i would hope to throw dinner parties and have my friends in the same town so i could have them over for tea and lunches and drinks and basketball games and lazy days by the fire or lazy days with the windows open. instead, im in grad school, planning to move to new york after graduation, and listening to the other voice in my head — the one that tells me i have to push myself as hard as i can academically and see where it takes me. for the meantime, coming home and working in the yard has to suffice for the time i wish i could spend on a house of my own.

as a result of being outside all day, im a bit sunburned. it feels like summer and that makes me really happy. i just cant wait to live somewhere warmer, with less traffic and trash and cat-calling on the street and sketchy people and fear of being mugged. of course, when i came home, all i could think was that im not sure how i can ever live outside a city. really, i think chapel hill or charlottesville could be really nice… we shall see. i just want to marry someone whose job allows him to live in any town. plus, i would like to think that i'll ever get married at all. but really, i just cant bear to think of it right now…being tied down seems so restrictive at the moment.