stale coffee stale seats stale music
carter
::27 may 2006 :: 06:14am
i am so sad. heartbroken, really. i had to say goodbye to the second years a few hours ago at a lovely shabbat dinner and a glass of wine kept me from crying when i left. but now, after taking a really long ride to jfk, after being up all night packing, after seeing my friends' websites up with their work — websites that two short years ago i was also looking at, trying to gauge who id be in school with before i came to yale — i am just somewhat devastated that it's over. the second years were my family there. dylan and geoff and tom and mark and forest. some church sign in new haven today said something like 'you can explain things for people but you cannot understand for people' … and i actually feel that the boys, _my_ boys at school, probably have no real idea of how much they have meant to me in the past two years. ugh. i just have a lump in my throat. there isnt much more to say.
[...] earlier this summer, i sat in the jetblue terminal at jfk writing this post. i was sad when i went to california because i was leaving my boys at school and i knew they wouldnt be back in the fall. then, leaving california i was sad to leave one boy in particular. i flew into the same jetblue terminal at 6am and was quite sad to be back on the east coast. even worse, i came home to an apartment destroyed by my subletter (that's another story altogether), and i was terribly frustrated to be in my apartment. now, im leaving virginia to return to CT, sitting in another jetblue terminal, and im sad to be leaving here, sad to be going back to CT, sad to be at an indecisive moment in my life. but these are the things of growth… change has to come if anything can grow or become better or more fulfilling. chin up, per usual. i should recognize this moment in my life as a blessing and not a curse. [...]