life overall

hi kids. it's been a very long time since i last posted. wireless is spotty at my san fran apartment since im stealing it from a neighbor, and when im at work, im working. my apologies. i didnt want to go this long.

life is great here. great apartment, great town, great job, great friends, great boys. mostly one great boy. who isnt mine but is mine to flirt with for the time being. which is fun.

everything has been great but today was a little weird. i had a really disconcerting dream last night that has me thrown. when im stressed, i have dreams about water, and drowning, and open seas. i know that water generally equals sex but with me it really just shows up when something is not good in my life. last night i dreamt i was standing on a huge platform with someone (my alter-ego) at the opposite corner. the platform seemed like i was three stories high but in my dream it was defined as being ten feet off the ground. it was set up at water's edge on the pacific, and the water of the pacific was the craziest ive ever seen in a dream… crazier than anything in real life. huge, huge waves, lots of wind. as the wind picked up and the waves' size increased, i noticed a pink flamingo also at water's edge that was about to be undertaken by the waves. my alter-ego saved it, but i jumped off the other side of the platform, landing on my chest/belly in the sand, sucked under by the water, and brought back to air as the sea went back out to, well, sea. i got up and told my alter-ego what a jerk i was for not trying to save the bird and then my dream changed scenes and storylines.

why is it that as i type this, i realize that this scene is so much more benign than it was when i was sleeping? how can these images have bothered me all day when theyre only in my head? i know what this dream was about… and i know that i need to fess up and tell my alter-ego i was a jerk in real life (though im still not convinced of this, i just know i need to apologize). but why do i have to have such scary terrible dreams when i feel guilty or sad? isnt it enough to just feel that way during daylight?

aside from that, life is good.