dirty dozen - naughty rotten rhymers

Top Twelve things that the US Does Better than Europe Besides Jazz, Cowboys, and Pizza: (It should be noted that it took Tripp and Kady all of ten minutes to come up with their weak ass list, it took me less than half that to come up with mine).

12. Beer - yeah, I said it. I'll put a pint of Rogue Dead Guy, Saranac Adirondac Amber, or Brooklyn Brown up against any swill from Germany or Prague (I'm stretching here, but I wanted a list of twelve for symmetries sake. (In fairness we really have no answer for Guiness as well).

11. Space Travel/Exploration - How many motherfucking Frenchman have been to the moon?

10. War - We fought the French (French and Indian War), the British twice (the Revolution and 1812, the Spanish (Spanish American War), Germany twice (WWI and WWII), and Bosnia. By my count that's USA 7 and Europe 0. Did I miss any?

9. The Blues - I'll give the English Eric Clapton, but after that every bluesman ever was a Black
American. And shame on you for sleeping on this one during the same week that PBS is airing Martin Scorsese presents The Blues. Am I the only one watching this?

8. Surfing - Can anyone guess what the shittiest continent in Endless Summer was? I'll give you a hint - it wasn't Africa, it wasn't Asia, it wasn't Australia, it wasn't South America, it damn sure wasn't North America, and they didn't go to Antarctica.

7. Skateboarding - How many European kids were emptying swimming pools in the late seventies to go skateboarding in them?

6. Movies - Don't even give me that whack "it comes down to taste" bullshit because since the early silent days through the present the US has the best and most prolific film industry in the world and that's coming from someone who has seen (and loved) a whole lot of German Expressionist, Italian Neo-Realist, French Expressionist, and Spanish Surrealist films. In fact those movements only got on the map due to the way they either emulated American genre films or reacted against them.

5. Theatre - I hear great things about the London stage, but there's only one Broadway and it's world famous for a reason.

4. Bacon - Ever ordered bacon and eggs in London? I have and take my word for it it's not a pretty sight.

3. Hip-Hop - On one side of the Atlantic we have Slick Rick (originally English I think) Soul II Soul, The Herbaliser, and MC Solaar and on the other we have (off the top of my head)(brace yourself) (working roughly south and West from NY) The Cold Crush Brothers, Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five, the Treacherous Three, the Sugar Hill Gang, Run DMC, LL Cool J, Mobb Deep, Audio 2, Doug E Fresh, the Fat Boys, Salt N Pepa, UTFO, Queen Latifah, Boogie Down Productions, JVC Force Crew, Pharoah Monch, Leaders of the New School, Tribe Called Quest, Ultramagnetic MCs (and later Dr. Octagon), Kool G Rap, the Jungle Brothers, De La Soul, MC Shan, Marly Marl, Public Enemy, NWA,EPMD, Eric B and Rakim, Notorious B.I.G., Jay-Z, Nas, Bahamadia, Big L, Big Pun, Fat Joe, Gang Starr, the Beastie Boys, Mos Def, Talib Qwali, DMX, Wu-Tang Clan, Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock, Capone N Noreaga, Naughty By Nature, Schooly D, The Roots, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Missy Elliot, Timbaland and Magoo, The Neptunes, Bone Thugs N Harmony, Eminem, D12, Outkast, Goodie Mobb, Ludacris, Bubba Sparxx, the Hot Boys, Nelly, the Ghetto Boys, Cypress Hill, NWA, Compton's Most Wanted, Snoop Dogg, Latyrx, Xzibit, Blackalicious, and Del the Funky Homosapien.

2. Basketball - See any NBA stars entering the European leagues lately?

1. Computing - and I'm not just talking about that guy in the late night infomercial promising that he can teach you how to operate the computer or your money back. How dominant has American computer technology been? Well let's make a list: Mainframes (IBM), the personal computer (IBM), (the operating system on 98% of the world's computers (Microsoft), the operating system that it ripped off (Apple), the iPod (Apple), and the internet (Al Gore).