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A few days ago, I was having a conversation involving my wife and some in-laws about why instructions on everyday products were so literal and stupid.

The answer:

People are literal and stupid.

Or, at least, their lawyers are paid to be.

Case #1:

Soups and other such products sold in aluminum cans have to have specific directions about microwave use because a man once heated some soup in the microwave in the aluminum can, put the rest into the refrigerator in the aluminum can, and reheated the rest later in the aluminum can, and got sick. Oh, and he also sued the soup company and won millions of dollars since it didn't specifically say you couldn't do that.

Case #2:

A man buys a new RV, drives out on his first trip, sets the criuse control, and goes to back to make himself a sandwich. Surprisingly, the RV crashes. Oh, and he also sued the RV manufacturer for millions of dollars and won since the manual didn't state that cruise control didn't drive the car for you.

Case #3:

A woman buys a contraceptive jelly from the store, uses it every day, and ends up pregnant. She sues the company for millions for not properly labeling their product. Since they weren't clear about it, the woman had spent the past couple of weeks putting the contraceptive jelly on her toast and eating it every morning. That's almost actually worth a million dollars just to have to tell a jury of her peers.

Sometimes I feel like people should have to pass a test just to get into grocery stores.