the searchers

mom is not reacting well to the chemo drugs. since the first round dose ended on wednesday, she should be over the nausea by now, but sadly i came home saturday night to find her curled up on the couch watching tv and looking pretty hammered. if there has been some time that i have forgotten the gravity of her illness, then that moment has reset the urgency in all of this. the hardest part is accepting that this is still only the first week of a 6 month treatment. not to mentiont the most difficult figure which is that we need to wait 3 years to start celebrating defeat over the cancer because it takes that long for the statistics of survival to turn positive (and really it's the 5 year mark that remains the standard). so today i sat and talked with mom a little even though she didn't have much to say. tried to do little things that would make her more comfortable. found her psyllium drink mixture after dad got frustrated looking for it in the kitchen. shook it up with some water and took it upstairs. a very little thing…

which leads me to thinking about mother's day. this whole next week i have to selfishly prepare for the opening night of the thesis show, yet i want so badly to surprise mom with something great. and yet i'm tapped. emotionally, physically and spiritually (yes i do believe in the spirit) leading me to worry that i'll have nothing to give her next sunday. any ideas out there? this is one of those times that i really would like some feedback from anyone that reads this.