bleary

that tingle in my hands can't be a good sign.

i keep most of my thoughts to myself. i'm not sure why that is or when it started. but it leads to an inflated sense of isolation. a lot of times, my thoughts are just the simple observations that i make on the world around me. even though i want to share these insights, most of the time i lack the proper tools. if we were walking together, i could just say what's on my mind, even if the moment passes i could still refer back to that point in time we shared. but when i'm alone, i tend to savor the experiences, either through reflecting or grokking in solitude. trying to write about it later is only an exercise in frustration, mostly because the worlds of thoughts and words for me are so disparate. everything on the page seems so flat for me in comparison. unsurprisingly, i feel most expressive with a camera. though i don't believe in objectivity per se, a camera lets me reserve judgement or maybe if i'm lucky it allows me to capture ambiguity. i can share photograph without the intense self-scrutiny that comes when i write.

there are no images here though. i still feel awkward in this space (the madeofglass site) though i need the contraint.