lopside

if you believe and belief shapes your actions, then your thoughts become reality through your behaviour.

believe it or not.

yesterday i went to westwood to hang out with sandy, an old friend that i rarely get to see as she lives and works in london these days. though for the next few weeks she's in los angeles, spending time with her family and getting ready for the wedding of both of our one-time best friends. she used to be close with the bride and i with the groom, but time and distance have changed all that. more on the point however is that sandy and i have a complicated history that goes all the way back to high school; we dated as undergrads, had a few rough years after, but now we're close platonic friends.

i met sandy and her sister at the starbucks next to the fox theater in westwood around 7:30. they were both sitting outside drinking tea. it had been quite a few years since i had seen the sister, sandy's one and older, but time has relieved the animosity between us. when i was dating sandy, i was disliked. perhaps even resented. but now that pressure has been released… time and distance, time and distance.

when i left them to buy a coffee, the sister said:

"he's so cute!"

"of course. he always was."

vindication at last… even if only superficially.

the sister left and we had a few hours to burn before sandy's mom arrived (so the context to this event was that the sister is moving from san diego to westwood and they are juggling vehicles in the process, leaving sandy stranded for a few hours, which is why i was invited to drive in to keep her company) and our choices were either a movie or a drink. not a tough decision. but the problem is that drinking in westwood leaves only a few options… even less if you hate college bars. sandy remembered that we could walk over to the W hotel and sit in the posh bar there. yes. that is what we did. she was concerned about underdressedness but i assured her that in my grey t shirt and dickies that she would look elegant in comparison with her fashionable jeans and white shawl.

scotch, neat, glen livet, two. please. sat at the bar. sandy observed that the women serving drinks were part of the decor: sleek black skirts and tight black shirts wrapped around model figures. a second drink for me, woodford reserve bourbon, also neat. the bar had gotten crowded and loud so we gathered our belongings to find more private seating.

now if you're going to create a pretentious bar, you absolutely must have reserved seating. so of course we found an empty spot, slightly separated from the main bar, with a little white card giving notice that the location was indeed "reserved". naturally, i believed that it was actually an invitation with an embedded challenge: sit here if you think you deserve it. and i can't turn down a challenge like that. act like you belong and then you do. for all they know i might be the young executive vp of series development at warner. i took the white card and moved it to the smaller endtable.

posture. employees would walk by, peak in, and then nod. i'm not pretentious. not yet. but i'm told that in another 10 years i will be. perhaps. for now i know that i'm not afraid to put myself in an environment at either end of the spectrum. that's the best part about not belonging anywhere, once you've come to terms with it, you are free to go everywhere.