a curse for this town

i found out this morning that the startup is a go. the discussion had been trending towards the positive in the last week but i was holding back anticipation. now that the final decision has been made i feel a sudden blankness. probably partly because i have no one physically copresent to share this with. i've talked to a few people. informed my loved ones. the reality that i'll be moving to mountain view in 3 weeks looms large over the excitement. there are many details that need to be determined first. some that need to be negotiated today. even a handshake agreement though without the physical gesture for haptic assurance.

haha.

trying not to be dramatic but i do want to record how i feel right now. i will miss my friends here. the older and the newer. choosing career over social comfort seems very adult. just so i'm clear: at the same time as i have been craving stability since graduation, i have also desired risk and adventure. for some reason i believed that all my ambitions could be compatible.

a lot of things haven't worked out recently. it's hard to keep telling yourself that it's okay. so i suppress the doubt/regret/angst and begin again. though i want very much for this new project to become an unmitigated success, the reason to do it is not the fairy story ending, but rather the thrill of the challenge. as well as the sense of ownership when creating something from the beginning.

take care los angeles.