clean and build

just when i needed it, i found a source of rejuvenation.

i made an amateur computer mistake on monday night that blew away about a day's worth of work. this wasn't the complete disaster that it could have been however; only an hour before i had committed a large number of assets that would have been even more difficult to reproduce. ultimately i had to make a list of the files that i lost and then just go to bed knowing i would wake up early in an attempt to start reproducing everything.

the greater context is that in the 2 weeks since i moved up here i have been sleeping badly, working slowly and doubting just about everything. i expected this move to be a challenge and i welcome it, but i want to want to meet those challenges with greatness in performance. and so far i've been disappointed in myself.

so i got up at 7:30 and did what i could to recreate my work before my meeting with the business partners at 10. it was cold, for a southern californian at least, which led to a workspace that i created on the floor in front of the wall furnace. tripp and keren would appreciate the carpet loving pose i struck. at around 9 i needed coffee so i decided to reward myself and pick up some fresh brew on the way across town. i wanted to try a new place so i searched for "best coffee mountain view". google returned a place called sufi coffeeshop. and it was nearby.

having no expectations is a beautiful thing. although i had a moment of anxiety when it occurred to me that it might be a sit-down diner sort of coffeeshop. but i found it pretty easily, on el camino real, just north of castro in mountain view. parked in the back. walked in through the patio. found myself transported.

the place is a tiny shop with about three tables inside. smaller than my living room. decorated with persian literature, farsi scripts, images of distant lands. in that moment i knew i was in the right place. i looked at the menu and it was a java lover's dream. 16 different beans from around the world. the diverse collection froze me. then i noticed a sign under the menu that made my day. it instructed the reader not to think about menu, rather just choose one. then a man with a grey mustache appeared behind the counter and reiterated the message. he must have seen the blank determination on my face, the effort to pick 'the right one'. there's no way to figure out, he said, they're just names. this is the moment when a profound spiritual relief washed over me. the weight of logic and rational decision-making was suddenly gone. i knew that i didn't have to think about it so much. it's just coffee. so i picked ethiopian. and i knew it was right.

the man's wife started grinding the beans and heating up the water. i looked around the shop and realized suddenly what sufi means. sufi is the mystical path of islam. how strange the i arrived without thinking about the meaning of the name. but something about persian culture seems to attract me invisibly. i felt so peaceful right then. i stumbled upon something that i couldn't admit that i needed.

after i left, everything seemed so much easier. i was crazy with awareness of my good fortune. i thought about getting married. seriously. i was really so drunk with relief that i imagined i could just call up a friend and propose. and that would have been okay.

now i have had time to relax and i can assure you that there is no wedding in the near future. most things are the same as they were before. i'm still a single guy, living alone in a foreign land, trying to start a company and my own life. i'm still an atheist. i'm still a vegan. i still dress like i fell off a banana republic truck. but the rejuvenation is real and it remains.

thanks to such a simple thing as coffee at sufi.