let me see your war face!

jack left yesterday.

i will miss him. after he had packed his truck he gave me a hug. he's taller than me so he had to lean down. i felt his cold ear against my cheek. the guy is twice my size. afterwards, that cool feeling remained on my cheek, reminding me how rare it is to touch another human being. we shook hands too, just to make sure. he said some thanks that gave me far too much credit. i waved it off. promised to have lunch or dinner soon and then he drove away.

later that night i got an email from him. fairly long. subject: thanks. he'd been here a month and it was clear that he really needed it. i shared my space begrudgingly at times and yet i feel fortunate that i had the opportunity to do so. mark made the offer and i approved. so i lived with a stranger for a month. i got to make a friend. easy to say in retrospect but i was frustrated that i had to concede my solitude.

jack sent some pictures in that email. 11. the earliest is from 1956. snapshots of his childhood. mom and sisters and brother. i was floored. looking at them now and i still am. these aren't fucking 'found photographs'. these are sacred moments. flattened artifacts but with far greater depth than i know what to do with. i don't have words for this.

-tonal shift-

-probably should be separate post-

-the title would be: porn rain reviews-

girls are thieves: it's cold up here. i wanted to put on this one hoodie just now. and then i realized that my ex has it in boston. i had forgotten that she'd hijacked it. we're not on speaking terms so the sweatshirt has been written off as collateral damage. but she's still a thief for holding onto it. i actually don't remember giving her permission to take it in the first place… that's part of relationships i suppose. during the relationship it seems like a fair trade. probably because the sex compromises our male righteousness. at least in the beginning…