Peppridge Farms Remembers…When You've Been Naughty

Finally, Pepperidge Farms has done something to push me right over the edge. It's introduced me to its goldfish. Formally, via the packaging, including quotes: "This is gonna be great!" and a list of turn-ons and turn-offs. I don't know what the "it" in the quote (from Flavor: Cheddar with kicky sunglasses) references, but I can't help but imagines this is the fish's enthusiastic final thought. Which would make a little more sense out of Pretzel's "That's okay, you go first."

Is it possible for us, as a society, with many as yet unresolved moral dilemmas about what and how we eat, to not make matters more complicated by anthropomorphizing crackers? Why does this happen, anyway? Take, for instance the Bill's Barbeque signs featuring a duo of pigs with pitchforks chowing down on a plate of pork barbeque. Is it just accidental that cloven-hooves and pitchforks are devil imagery, while these cannibal pigs dine on their friends? What does that say about you, the consumer, who, so you say, just stopped in for a grape-limeade and those fat, extra salty french fries?

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Speaking of anthropomorphizing, did I just sound like an anthropomorphized Andy Rooney in the above post or what? "Why don't kids listen to music I like?!" "Why do cars have funny names?!" "Why is modern society so crazy?!"

But seriously, I can sympathize. I've come to realize that it's not me who has the problem but everyone else. Seriously. There are people who not only say astoundingly stupid things*, but enough people wanting to read these things that they're paid to write books where each sentence is more astoundingly stupid than the last. And to tie this in with the above, take the Bill's Barbeque sign. Someone today mentioned that Bill's serves other things, and maybe it's not barbeque, and that there's such a thing as beef barbeque. Sure, sure. But's it's not called Bill's Lumpy Pile of Shit, and I don't think anybody said, "Let's make beef barbeque so pigs can enjoy it, too."

Where was I? The point is, or was supposed to be, that first some graphic designer had to come up with the sign, apparently think it was a good idea, which then had to be green-lit, by the head office, who paid for the sign and had it produced in giant plastic replicas, and crews of construction workers had to fit the sign on its post, where now thousands of people drive past everyday and at least dozens stop and think, "Pigs eating pork, sounds good to me!" And then go about their day like nothing happened. And in some states blow jobs are still illegal.

*And I feel unclean after using that link. Apparently, according to the author, Richard Nixon and Joe McCarthy were just "victims" of the mainstream media (or MSM, as she calls it). Wow. I have to go lay down.

Although there is a plus side. It's watching the author (using the term loosely), talk about the evils of Mainstream Media after bitching that the MSM isn't paying her enough attention. And trying to convince herself that it's because her "controversial" assertion is commonly accepted, and not due to her increasing irrelevance.