I have an overdrawn checking account that I’ve been trying to get back into the black by transferring money from paypal as it comes in (which involves a whole lot of ebay-related nonsense), and even though I made two transfers on 6/30, the money still hasn’t showed up in my account. I just got a notice on the 1st saying that my account had been overdrawn for 5 days, and after 10 days, they will automatically close my account, which they could actually do whenever they want. So I sent a message explaining that I’ve transferred money from paypal (which according to them would take 3-4 business days) and wanting to know if the money would be credited to my account before the 10 days was up, since it’s apparently 10 real days, and there’s only one more bank day wherein transactions can occur.

I get a reply telling me that it takes 2-3 days for the money to be transferred (which it turns out is entirely on the bank’s end, not paypal’s), and then making a point to remind me that my account will be closed in 10 days or whenever the mood strikes them:

“Please be aware, we require overdrawn balances to be paid immediately. WaMu reserves the right to suspend transactions or close an account at any time. We may do so in this case, even though you have informed us of your intentions to make a deposit to your account.”

Later, after midnight, when the day’s transactions have gone through, I check my account to find that there’s still no paypal money.

So here’s what I wrote back, even though it’s just a cs guy (probably a different one) who’s going to see this, anyway, but I just sort of wanted to tell WaMu/Chase to go fuck itself (politely), even if it’s only via a representative:

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“I just asked a question about when money I transferred from Paypal to my checking account would actually arrive in my checking account, and received this response: “The transfer is scheduled to take place on the transfer date at the time you set up the transfer; the transfer date may be up to two to three business days after the scheduling date”

Alright. I scheduled the transfer on June 30th, since it’s now July 3rd, so where’s the money? The current running balance is about -15.00, the ledger balance says -33.00 (due to some unlisted mystery transaction), and the available balance is 66.00 (which evidently signals another overdraft fee). And yes, I realize I’m expected pay negative balances immediately, which is why I’m transferring money from Paypal as it comes, but taking two to three days to process an electronic transfer, isn’t exactly helping. The main reason my account is a mess is because I don’t have a job, and the main reason I don’t have a job is because the economy is in the toilet, and a big part of the reason why the economy is in the toilet is because banks like WaMu and Chase helped put it there. So A) where is the money I transferred, and B) maybe you (meaning Chase, not the person reading this) should cut me a little slack on this whole overdrawn account thing? After all, I’ve been a good customer up until this happened and can be again, once I’m able to get back on my feet, but that’s not going to happen if you suspend my transactions and close my account, is it?”
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Also, it took a lot of willpower not to add ‘Lebowski’ to ‘where’s the money?’ which I didn’t have the willpower to change to something that sounds less retarded.

I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to finances (after all, I’m not a subprime lender…Chase, WaMu), and I realize that I’ve clearly fucked up* and that I do have to honor my debts (which actually, I’ve done; it’s WaMu/Chase’s apparently steam-powered internets that’s holding things up now) but is it really too much to ask that a bank that fucking failed so badly it had to be bought by another bank that failed even worse, but happened to be big enough to survive to buy smaller failures, to go a little easy on people who’ve hit a rough patch? Especially when those banks helped cause the rough patch? Answer, yes, it is too much to ask.

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*the biggest fuck up being that I didn’t close my account as soon as they changed their name to WaMu

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