an odd christmas, to say the least. a rainy day in frankenmuth, MI. it’s just me, dad, and sadie at grandpa’s house, as a broken femur earlier in the fall has got him staying at an old folks’ home. the home is not as depressing as i feared it would be. i’ve had

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i go out of my way to be a good friend.

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have facebook status updates and tweets become the new blog?

i sound like carrie bradshaw.

i couldn’t help but wonder…

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my world is sufficiently rocked.

after thirteen years without a word exchanged, mike and i are talking again.

yes, that mike.

and it’s as if the world is turned upside down for me.  i’m still me, he’s still him, but we’re the grown-up versions – yet it doesn’t feel like that at all.  it’s like a time warp.  the things that were not good are better – so much better than i ever imagined they could be for him.  he’s like, this amazing grown-up version of the person i used to know, and used to love.

and i don’t know what any of this means.

thirteen fucking years.  we were children.  so how could there even be anything there now?  thirteen years ago i was a black-haired wannabe wild child with an attitude about everything and a fuckload of resentment for things i couldn’t name. i laugh at the me i was then.   so why does it feel like coming home to talk to the yin to my yang during those times, when i am not the yang i once thought i was?

i feel drunk, but have not had a drop to drink.    eeeeeek.

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i have a date tomorrow. a date! sort of. i really don’t think i have ever been on a proper date in my entire life so i’m wiggity-wigging out a little. seriously. i am 31 years old. i feel like i need to take a xanax.

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it’s mother’s day, and i cried.  big suprise.  but i was kind of startled by the intensity and duration of my tears.   then i realized i was crying not only because i miss my own mom, but because the child i have been mothering for the last 2 years is no longer here.  and the person who comforted me when i cried is also gone.  it felt like grief upon grief upon grief.

so i went to get a tattoo. but no place was open.

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i got my first brightstorm revenue-share check yesterday and i am HAPPY! people are buying my videos. and it’s not even porn.

tomorrow is my first administration class. AHHH. i feel simulatenously too old and too young to be doing this. and in complete dorkdom, i kinda liked having homework. i don’t know if i can really envision myself as an AP or a principal though. my bosses have always complimented me on my professionalism, yet it’s the area i’d rate myself the lowest in. can a principal still wear pigtails?

i am going to a furniture store in harrisonburg on saturday to meet ric flair. WOOOOOO!

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