'take a load off'

in a non-social group, i am usually the leader. i'm cool with that when i get to choose the position. but when i get pushed or assumed into that position without my consent i get bitter.

tomorrow is the NK relay for life, which i agreed to participate in about a week and a half ago. our faculty team was recruited by a colleague, but organization of the team never happened. a couple emails floated around, people talked a little and planned even less, until all of a sudden it's the day before the event and nothing is set up for our team. i watched the slow-motion train wreck and tried really really hard not to be the one to take over, but when it started getting close to zero hour i couldn't take it anymore. i called a team meeting and facilitated a walking schedule, and list of who was bringing what. and afterward kim and i went decor shopping and i started getting excited and i worked on stuff most of the night. and i think we'll pull things off, and our campsite will be cute, and everything will be fine. but i still resent that i am the one who ended up having to pull things together and play leader when it was never my role to begin with.

i don't want to make it sounds like i swooped in and saved the day, but i am tired of my neuroses causing me to take on so much. somehow in terms of projects i am have become the girl who can't say no, and that's not healthy.

this school year i have walked in one avon walk and acted as a crew team leader for another, and now i am the team leader for a RFL team tomorrow. at school it's been social committee chair, freshman mentors sponsor, yearbook co-sponsor, sophomore class sponsor. and, oh yeah, teacher. it's not that i don't love almost all of it. but i am starting to look forward to new york as a chance to start over and for once maybe try not to cram my plate so full it's overflowing.