'der stoff aus dem die traume sind'

happy birthday carter and chrispy!

i'm getting excited about being in richmond tomorrow, though i am slightly overwhelmed at the prospect of seeing jane, tracey, kim, harriet, brenda, scott, jesse, micah, cheri, julia, tripp, carter, and the millicans in a 10 hour span of time. it's like playing 'this is your life' for my years in richmond. i love it, but at the same time i kind of feel like i am spreading myself too thin.

i can't can't can't wait to see tracey's twin boys, esp. grayson and garrett are basically the children i wish i could have myself one day. they are in 2nd grade now and absolute doll-babies. i think i would prefer to spend time with them over most males my age.

i succumbed to all the radio advertisement i have heard and invested in chasers at GNC today. i do truly believe that hangovers will one day be a thing of the past, and i am willing to try whatever modern medicine / hippies can come up with. i used to be an ru-21 devotee, but after awhile i realized that taking them gave me really shitty sleep, so i wouldn't mind an alternative. besides the alternative of an actual hangover, of course.

looking back over the past 2 days, i shudder to see how easily i turned into a crazy girl. over-analyzing, stressing, two steps away from being an imitation of the guy trying to leave a message in "swingers." something has got to change 'cause i really can't be that person.

lunch today with my mom's friends was looong but good. i felt guilty when i realized that i hadn't seen them since my mom died. it was really nice to be around them, though, and to tell them all about new york and have them tell me how proud they are of me, and in turn how proud my mom must be. my dad doesn't really verablize things like that, so it felt really good to hear, and to get that reinforcement from people who knew her.

my cooking streak continues, and tonight's recipe was a big ole pot of my mom's chili, at my dad's request. it's his dinner for tomorrow plus a bunch of portions for the freezer. friday night i am planning a somewhat more adventurous menu of cheese fondue, my mom's german salad, and possibly another pecan pie. i swear i keep shelling and using those pecans, but the amount in the bag never seems to decrease. and i don't even really like pecans.

i started reading teacher man last night, and am a little perplexed by it. it is quite readable and i am flying through it, but i am bothered by what seems like a lack of a central narrative. i think a tiny part of me was anxious to check out mccourt's memoir about teaching high school in NYC to see how my own book might measure up one day. my, isn't that presumptuous of me.