'wretched i was confounded in devastation'

for awhile this morning i was concerned that i might prove a medical miracle - the spontaneous creation of an ulcer in 30 minutes or less. i wrote yesterday about not knowing what to expect from the beginning of the spring semester at school today. i knew the kids' schedules would be changing, but i had no idea that the schedule change that would push me into meltdown mode would be my own.

for the past semester i have taught english. duh. english is my specialty, my area of certification, the topic of my degrees. i assumed in the new term i would be teaching english. which i guess i am. sort of. the slip of paper i was handed this morning listed the following courses: two journalism, two library research, and one economics. i laughed at the last one, figuring it was a computer error. then i was informed by our burly, surly jerky assistant principal that with out phase out, some teachers were being excessed and that the remaining staff would have to pull together to fill in the holes left in their absence. when i meekly protested that i had never studied much less taught economics, i was informed that i should be glad i was not being told to teach basket-weaving, but not to worry, there was a textbook for economics.

cue hyperventilation.

i didn't want to be the staff member who wasn't being a team player. i didn't want to be the difficult one, or the one who was viewed as not wanting to help out in a pinch. but economics? i fell into the bookroom, grabbed a textbook, and felt my stomach sink even further. how was i supposed to take in and spit back out this information to students who would be looking to me for explanations and answers? starting in, oh, forty-three minutes?!

my school is —— up. i've known that from the beginning; i came to new york knowing the phase out situation and realizing that it would be weird. i just didn't ever think it would be quite so shitty.

by midday salvation came in the form of the announcement that the other english teacher had agreed to take on my econ class, and i would have her non-area class swapped in its place - drama! i nearly collapsed in relief. granted i have no experience whatsoever in teaching theater, but it is at least an area i have interest in and have spent some time as a student. i haven't even been told whether its a performance class or more in the vein of the study of drama, and i probably won't be given this information. i will be expected to come up with curriculum, dig in the book room in hopes of unearthing dusty books i can use, create a syllabus, assignments, classwork, homework, and present myself as a compentent educator in a subject i have never taught. starting tomorrow.

but thank god it's not economics.