'rapid dismissal'

i am drinking spearmint spring water from target and it is taking some getting used to. it is a little peculiar to have flavored water that is not sweet.

WW is going really, really well and i am very excited to have to go buy a belt this weekend. a belt! to keep my pants from falling down! how thrilling is that.

i started seeing a new shrink a couple weeks ago. is shrink a derogatory term? i don't mean it as such. my old shrink was not really a shrink, but a social worker who worked through hospice and more of a bereavement counselor. it was natural that after some time we part ways but it was almost like this strange faux breakup scenario when it was finally time for us to have our last session.

i have high hopes for working with this new lady, jane. it was scary the second week though when she just stared at me and waited for me to say something. i need more leading than that and silence in thay way makes me crazy uncomfortable.

i have a lot of apprehension about the upcoming week and seeing todd and trying to determine whether we are still on the same page, relationship-wise. it was really reassuring for me to hear yesterday jane's stance that whatever happens, we will work through it. in a way i am embarassed by it - somehow having that vulnerability. i never even used to talk in sessions about any guy-related stuff, feeling like it was just silly or shallow or a waste of time and money. but the more i work through so many elements of losing my mom, the more i realize how impacted i have been by it in less-than-obvious ways.

i wish everyone could see a counselor or psychologist or social worker or whatever, and reap the benefits of that truly objective person whose sole goals are to listen and help. i am thinking of that old 70s commerical for soda where they sing about wanting to buy the world a coke and perfect harmony. well, i'd like to buy the world a shrink.