'everyone knows i am in over my head'

i'm walking a weird line here, having been in staunton for a week. there's been no epic flipout like last year; no tears and no tipping into the xanax bottle. i'm leaving the townhouse and running errands and functioning like a normal person. this is a world of difference from my last move.

but -there always has to be a but, right?- yesterday and today i've felt slightly on edge, perhaps finally digesting the actuality of this move. i didn't have gus with me until tuesday when my dad brought him down, and somehow something in that has caused being here to feel more like the Real Deal and less like a vacation.

orientation for my new job begins on monday, and i'm glad. over the last week i've gotten into a little housefrau routine of cooking and cleaning craziness that is kind of like junk food - all well and good in smaller amounts but not true sustenance - nothing to live off of.

many people who care about me have cautioned to me about falling too much into todd's life, rather than carving out my own niche here. well it's kind of weird to see that i'm not sure he really has that much of a niche here. he's a lot less of a people-person that i am -how i am i forever matching up with these introverts?- and doesn't really have friends here who are close. i guess he's really been doing the loner things, but people to hang out with are exactly what i need and crave.

so i am again confronted with that particular dilemma facing the post-college young adult - how do you meet people??? the most hopeful i felt about making friends so far was last weekend when we went out and got drinks at baja bean company - one of my favorite hangouts from richmond whose staunton outpost is basically the main nightlife spot here. but i hesitate to let drinking facilitate my hanging out, too. i'm glad that over the last year in new york i was able to get away from the whole drinking-as-focal-point-of-social-life thing. and i'm reluctant to return to that.

i met our next door neighbors last night, another young couple (how old do i sound saying 'young couple'?!) and they seemed cool and it was all i could do from metaphorically flinging myself at their feet and hugging their ankles.

to be continued…