'her hair reminds me of a warm safe place '

sum-mer va-ca-tion.

it's 12.18pm and i haven't accomplished a thing today. minimal guilt surrounding this. i've done so much runningrunningrunning recently that slowing down - stopping - feels completely foreign. i'd hate to think i no longer know how to properly relax, that i would apply a manic work ethic even to recreational time. calculating best time to get to the pool for sunning maximus and crowd avoidance. reading a book at a rate that ensures i will complete it in time for a sequel's release. time doesn't always need to be utilized to the maximum benefits - or does it?

when my grandparents speak often on how much life sucks now that they are old, resentment burns in me and i want to shoot them down with a well-timed zing on my mother's behalf - how much she'd have liked the chance to get old and use that time, etc. but of course, you don't say things like that, especially to your 94-year old grandparents.

i think it is safe to say that within the next 3 weeks, i will become a homeowner. what the fuck. i mean really. this grownup thing is getting pretty unavoidable. gross.

but this house, with its yard for the dogs and its screened-in porch and its book nook and window seat and hippie beachy front room and slanty ceilings and long cupboardy kitchen - it will be ours. no more money to nowhere on rent. a place in which we can fully cultivate looks and feels and do renovations and tear shit out and start over and rearrange and nest.

the combination via my iTunes, of coldplay's "everything's not lost (live)" "everything will be alright' by the killers, is really nice right now.

i remember entitling an email to todd during very early days "everything's not lost." i just looked up and re-read the lyrics and it made my heart ache. in a good way.