'we only said goodbye with words'

one of the local radio stations here is promoting a "whatever weekend" in which they deviate from their normal pop format and play some random shit.   it was wonderful to hear "welcome to the jungle" and "good vibrations" (marky mark, not the beach boys) back-to-back today, and made me consider how much passion i have for both of those songs.  i have G-n-R, of course, in my iTunes, but just sat down to download good old marky mark and am quite peeved to learn that the song is only available if ipurchase the entire soundtrack to "blades of glory."  not only do i refuse to support this capitalistic dick-move by the record company (or whoever), but i also refuse to further support a film that was really not very good, esp for will ferrell.

zane is with his other grandparents this weekend but todd's parents have been here, which is like at least the 4th visit we've had since we have been in the new house.  i'd be lying if i said this wasn't a bit of a strain at this point, but that makes me feel like a superbitch because essentially they come here and bust ass helping with house and yard endeavors.  they are energetic project people, and this weekend painted and rescreened our entire back porch.  i am not ungrateful …  just a little tired.

as i sat in the garage this afternoon staining our kitchen chairs and listening to "back to black," i started to get really sad about amy winehouse.  this seems a little silly as we are not personally acquainted, but you can't be celebrity-obsessed as i am without being constantly exposed to tales of her very fucked up lifestyle.   i don't care too much if people do drugs if it doesn't mess up their lives or someone else's, but it seems -and i emphasize seems, as everything i base this on comes second-hand at the very least- as if things have crossed that line with ms. winehouse.  the latest detail and probably the one to instill in me this sadness was a report about her bloody-vomit-covered hotel room.

i so hope i am wrong, but after hearing of her recent ODs, smoking crack at music festivals, and self-mutilation, i keep feeling as if her days are numbered.   i keep thinking i'm going to log on TMZ or perez and hear that she's dead, frankly.   "back to black" is so amazing and so different than any other music that's come out in ages.  and i worry that it and "frank" will stand as winehouse's sole musical contributions to the world because she won't be around to create anymore.

do i sound like a complete psycho???   i don't feel as though i am expressing myself very well.