'curves, indeed'

i need to lose weight.  that's the nicest way i can word the fact that i think that i am fat again.  i fell of the WW wagon awhile ago and …  kept falling.  i don't know why consistency is such an issue for me.  i don't know why i want to place the blame on external factors - living with todd, with zane, being in an elementary school, moving - and can't take the blame for my own stupid actions.

i do know that my lifestyle in new york was a ton more active than it is here - the daily walking coupled with not being in the car grabbing fast food or in general just eating while i am on the road.  i know that in new york every single piece of food in my apartment was chosen by me, for me, and with two other people now i can't force my dietary choices on them just to curb my lack of self control.  so yes, those are factors.  but i should be able to get past them and work with them and not just give in as i shove another bite of cheesy fat into my mouth.  i do not want to be battling this the rest of my life.