'do you remember the fireworks at lake michigan?'

i'm really into autumnal scents.  well.  not necessarily like leaves.  leaves are the first thing i think of when i think of fall.  anyway.  i'm loving spicy pumpkiny and nutmeggy smells.  in the past, cinnamon-scented candles, potpourri, etc, have had a near-devastating affect on my GI tract (how weird is that) but maybe not any longer because these are the odors my olfactory system desires.   white barn candle company things are particularly yummy.

i took the day off yesterday to hostess a visit from my father, uncle, and cousin.  the uncle and cousin are from my mother's side in germany and i must say i faced the day with some trepidation.  i can't exactly pinpoint its basis.

i know i have some issues with speaking german because i am so incredibly picky about expressing myself clearly in english; i hate the idea that my mastery is not at the extent where i can be subtle or speak more figuratively or express nuances of langauge.  self-expression is such a big part of who i am that giving up an aspect of it, even with people dear to me, can be difficult.

other uneasiness simply came from playing hostess and wanting everything to be perfect.  wonder if i will ever work that out of my system.  i feel compelled to cater to guests' tastes and whims and try to make everything just-so.   attempting to achieve quintessence is  a notion i need to learn to let go of.  as traditionally occurs, the visit was good - great, actually- and there was nothing to sweat - small stuff or otherwise.

i just logged onto instant messenger for the first time in what seems like at least half a  year.   i remember when i was so wrapped up in IMing that my away message would be completely specific to where i was at a given time.  that seems so silly now.