'bitchly cow corn'

happy aught eight!

the new year brought with it an unexpected staff meeting with the county superintendent. it seems that in creating the student body for a new school being created in the county, our children -and thus our faculty- is to be reduced by 1/3 in the upcoming school year. we are strongly encouraged to submit preferences forms so that when the regrouping occurs, displaced teachers may have an iota of input as to where they will end up.

the meeting created an inevitable pit in my stomach that shall last, no doubt, the 6-8 weeks it will take for said changes to be announced. when i moved from brooklyn and signed my contract with the county, none of this was mentioned. and i find myself wanting to throw and tantrum, stamping my foot and announcing that idon'twanna move, idon'twanna change, idon'twanna be the new person anywhere again.

my first choice would be to remain at my school. i'm not sure of the likelihood of this possibility. of the kids potentially affected by the redistricting, the majority of them are the students who receive title I and similar services. my school would no longer need 3 reading specialists and an aide. i am the low lady on the totem pole, but also have firmly planted myself as an important member of our environment through extra roles like SCA sponsor and staff photographer. i'm not sure how i would weigh in vs a more senior staff member.

and part of me wonders, if 1/3 of the staff goes, what will my school become, and will i even want to be there? if my closest 4 or 5 friends go, is it worth staying?

my 2nd preference, i think, would be to go to the new school. there is defintely a lot to be said for working in a new building; i've never worked in a school without faults related to the building's age. to me there is also something desirable about being part of a group of people who are starting something together, building and establishing something rather than entering a new environment already firmly created. i'd rather be one of a bunch of newbies than a newbie on my own.

and ultimately i'm sure everything will be fine, and i'll adapt, and things will settle. i do know and believe that. but hanging in the uncertainty causes me to fret continually. i've worked hard to make this school into my home, and my sense of loyalty and attachment are pretty big.