'in view of my approaching change'

my grandma died yesterday, around 10am. since october she had not been in great health, had some falls. we spent christmas there, though, and she was doing well. about 2 weeks after we left she fell again, broke her collarbone, and also developed pnuemonia. in the last week she took a turn for the worse and developed double pnuemonia. my dad has been back and forth over the last month and luckily was there, with my grandfather, at her side when she passed away yesterday.

her death was not unexpected - i mean, she was 94 years old - but the rapid rate in which her condition worsened took me by surprise. i mean, at christmas we were cooking together and she was grating on my nerves the same as it has always been. i noticed she needed new house shoes, and once back in VA i bought her a nice plush pair of red slippers, which are sitting here on my desk, waiting to be mailed.

i cried yesterday, but today feel empty and scarily matter-of-fact. i've been focused on logistics - when to travel up, to drive or to fly, etc.

in talking to my father i have been amazed to hear that my grandfather, who just lost his wife of i believe seventy-three years, is also doing okay. i can't imagine what that must feel like and even more so can't imagine going on without the person you had spent seven decades with. how can it even be that life goes on after that?