i didn’t realize i had this much anger. it came pouring out of me on the phone the other night with my friend jane. i was hurtling through darkness down the interstate on the way back home after quite the weekend of excess. noticing my own absence of guilt about questionable decisions, the words bursting from my lips were suddenly a big fuck you to the universe. you didn’t care about me, why should i care about anyone else?
it was pretty scary.
i think i know myself pretty well, but the rage was shocking. but in hindsight, why a surprise? it leaks out of me at times, usually fueled by alcohol. i punched a man in the throat a few weeks ago…but that was because he dared me to.
i’m not mad all the time. i don’t think i am in a bad place. in fact, i’m really proud of where i am in my life and the work i have been putting into it and myself over the last year, year and a half.
a little chute, a longer ladder.