Life: Childbirth, like, hurts
ray
::13 mar 2007 :: 08:16pm
Ever since becoming a father, there has been this constant ache, like I’m filling something too full or stuff is pouring out of me too fast. Or both. It’s beautiful and bittersweet. They’re just growing up too fast. Too fast. I hold them in my arms each day, their sweet innocent smiles beaming beneficently into my life. I want to grab that and hold onto it forever; it’s just all flying by too quickly. I watch them play and wonder about this metamorphosis imposed by life, where we evolve from open, wondrous creatures into hardened, trudging souls. I wonder what my parents see when they look at me, still that innocent little red-headed boy, or are they surprised a little bit to find a lumbering stoic in his place, in the place where that little boy should be. But maybe that’s the magic of being a parent, that for this brief time, those sweet little cherubs can whisk you back to those days filled with sunshine and play, drawing with crayons and fixing puzzles on the kitchen floor.
Being a parent is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done with my life.
Oh wow, you just totally nailed the feeling I've been having as a father. I'm happy for the little time I get with my kids, but sad because every workday that ticks by I get just a few minutes to spend with them, and then those minutes are gone forever. And then on the weekends, I'm mostly stuck doing chores (my wife doesn't cook much), so if I don't want to blow lots of money I don't have eating out the following week, I can't really spend too much time having fun with the kids.
I think it's worse for most men, because in the vast majority of cases men are the ones–like it or not–that are held responsible by most people for the financial fortunes of the family. And so with that responsiblity hanging over our heads, we are often required to be out of the house or even sometimes out of the country bringing home the bacon.
I don't care what any chirky trust fund benficiary has to say, you aren't going to meet the full financial obligations of growing a family by working for Meals on Wheels, nice though that would be. Behind most single-breadwinner families with health care (and many not-for-profit organizations) is a tired, trudging lawyer or software engineer who dissappers into a train before the sun comes up and counts himself (or herself in some cases) lucky if s/he makes it home in time to kiss the kids goodnight. I'm one of such. We wish there were some other way of making things work, but most of us are barely making it as it is, and so the trudge goes on.