Landing on the moon? A trifle.
Curing polio? Piddling.
New energy technologies to save the world from global warming? Puh-leez!

For centuries now, science has been making meager headway on all fronts. A few gains here, some new theories there. But pretty much–with the exception of the Chevy V-8 small block–it’s been like watching, I dunno, say, soccer. Played by the blind. And snails. It’s been like soccer played by blind snails. Yes, that’s exactly the simile I’m looking for.

 But now, now my male bretheren, science has finally done something worthwhile, something to make it worth teaching in schools and universities, something to save it from the ridicule of Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum and Karl Rove. Yes, friends, science has finally come through with an advancement that so far surpasses all previous achievements. Hubble? Fuck that guy. Newton? Douche. Galileo? Peeping Tom!

I give you, at long last, this epic achievement: Yaz - “the only birth control proven to treat emotional and physical premenstrual symptoms that are severe enough to impact the lives of women”.  And the men who love them, I might add. Thank you, Jesus (and, of course, BigPharma)! Finally, we men can get out from under women’s ace card: the ability to go bat shit unreasonably crazy about something, and then days later blame it on hormones.

Guys, you all know what I’m talking about. You know you do.

And you also know that you can never, ever, state the obvious: “I think you’re really over-reacting here. Are you sure you aren’t just a little, y’konw, hormonal?”

Because then, if you do, you die. You know it. I know it. You might as well have just hopped on a bomb in a Kubrik film and ridden it to the ground.

 Ah, sweet freedom. Thank you, geniuses at Yaz. Now, with this, we can call being batshit crazy just exactly that.

Let the sun shine. Let the sunshine in. The suuuuun shine! Let the sun shine…

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