It’s 12:23am and I’m waiting for my slightly famous Dark Chocolate Chip Brownie Bottom Banana Bread to cool. That’s right. I made up a recipe and it frickin’ rocks. I don’t make it too often, as I have an alarming capacity to eat nearly an entire loaf in just a few short days, but I had some ‘mature’ bananas lying around. (I’m so sure that’s going to come up on some seriously messed up web search…)

Anyhoo, I had a couple of rambling thoughts from today. The first is that the Democrats are probably going to piss away yet another election they’re hard-pressed to lose. In 2000, you’ve got the sitting vice-president running against a drunk-driving, coke-snorting loser who can’t run any type of business venture… and losing. Though, to be fair to Al Gore, he did actually win that thing…

But I digress.

Then you’ve got a decorated war veteran running against the same dipshit who now has us in a costly, intractable, poorly-planned, war of choice. 

And they lose again.

Now, the economy is in the shitter (apparently spending trillions of US dollars in a foreign country isn’t the greatest fiscal policy. Who knew?), the glaciers are melting, New Orleans is still in ruins, the rest of the so-called “Axis of Evil” have or are trying to get nukes (thanks to our good buddies, Pakistan), we’re reviled around the globe for torture (yay, American values!) and, oh, we’re still in an intractable war (or two).

And here the Dems come along to fuck it up … again. You’ve got McCain reading from the Republican Base Playbook (“War good, yay Jesus!”) more or less while two landmark candidates are duking it out for the self-immolation of the Democratic Party. What do I mean? Well, Obama’s campaign–despite positive message, steadfastness and all those other things we look for in a candidate–is getting torched because some dumbass has an ax to grind and a mic to talk into. First the Dems get crucified… no, wait, that’s the wrong word… criticized for not being religious enough for America. Now their leading candidate is too religious, or something like that. Then, he’s at first “not black enough” and now he’s “too black.” Whatever the hell that means. Last time I checked, he had a white mama. So why isn’t he just as much a white candidate as a black candidate? It just goes back to our culture’s apparent inability to handle more than two options at once.

“Are you white or black?”

“I’m mixed race.”

“O…kay. So I’ll just put you down as black then, shall I?”

So, let’s assume that due to all this “controversy” (I love air quotes, by the way), the back room dealings throw superdelegates to Hillary. Great. Now you’ve gone and alienated all the youth and black voters who Obama brings to the table. Couple that with the notion that Hillary will definitely bring out every Clinton-hatin’, Rush-listening conservative in the country for McCain and, boom, you’ve lost the White House.

Again. 

Or, lets assume that Obama–now tattered and replete with media fatigue from the long nomination process–does get the nod. Now you’ve got the ignorance to fight.

“Didn’t his pastor say ‘G.D. America’?”

“They say he’s a muslim on Fox.”

“Why isn’t he wearing a flag on his lapel? He must not love America.”

“They’ll be dancing in the streets in the Middle East just like 9/11 if he gets elected!” (actual statement, but paraphrased)

So, friends, fire up the bumper sticker machine in 2012. They should read something like “McCain ’12: Four More Years!” or “Don’t cut-n-run in Iran/North Korea/Luxembourg!”

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