So my last post was silly; this is because I was totally and completely wasted when throwing it up. (Also, not worth going back and looking, it's just a link. A useless one really.)

I didn't mean to get drunk the other night, but boy howdy, did I. I'm terrible with stress and anxiety — I magically hold it in, letting it take root in me in various ways — the end of last week and through Wednesday I managed to dream about work*, managed to feel the tension (again) in my jaw, managed to totally be a walking timebomb.

Drinking on Wed fixed that, sadly. It's a terrible solution to a stupid problem. But today, right now, I feel good. I felt good yesterday. I drew on Tuesday; I made a terrific leap with a project last night. This morning, I wrote.

That's the biggie, the one that matters right now. I've been at this job for a year now and have never gotten into a schedule or pattern that made me happy. But the last few weeks have been course correction on that.

I'm actually unsure how many words I've thrown down; it isn't enough, but I was also doing some tedious editing. I've got a plan for the next 8 or 10 weeks and it's pretty badass.

* I think I dreamed about work last night too. This time it didn't seem to have anxiety attached to it, which is nice. But honestly and seriously: I do not believe, not for one moment, that is acceptable, in any fashion, to have entire dreams about SQL tables. In fact, there are terms that should never appear in a dream. I'm not exactly sure what the list entails yet, but I think I know what I'll be trying to compile today.

not because anyone asked (well, hima did), but here are some details on the bacon vodka we made a few weeks ago.

we used this recipe, which is remarkably easy: fry bacon, put it in a jar with vodka, leave it for 3 weeks, strain.

this is what it looked like as we strained:

it ended up looking about like a urine sample when it was all done. we tasted it straight up — the first sip was good. the second was so-so. the third was just wrong. there is something truly terrible abut drinking bacon.

we went with a bacon martini recipe, as we didnt know what else to do. bacon vodka, some vermouth, some hot sauce, some olive juice, try and enjoy.

it didn't really help. i finished mine but brinker and fearnow could only handle a few sips each.

i took it to work for a happy hour we had. i got 4 or 5 people to try it, all with the same reaction — from ok to horrible in 3 sips. there was one exception: a co-worker who couldn't taste the bacon flavor in it. nor smell it. and then said he couldn't taste or smell the vodka either. i'm unsure what he thought he was drinking, but it explains why he liked it.

Hate to do this, but don't have time for proper posts — plus, I'm not sure any of these warrent a whole post themselves.

• Because I clearly am on some kind of weird sex kick, here's a story about how giant squid mate. Hint: super long penises that can sometimes cause males to impregnate themselves. Luckily, I am not a giant squid.
• Chrispy's new girlfriend. In his dreams. According to email he sent me yesterday. But then, who doesn't love a pantless drunk driver?
• The LAT might have been duped about Puffy being involved with Tupac's murder. Oops?
• Giant bunny!
• And the Frontline that everyone is talking about today — Bush's war.

i want to hang with this guy.

failing that, i want this shirt.

from: lazyrot.com

stuff stuff stuff! the internets exploded over the weekend or something. here are some items to make monday go a little faster:

the 7 steps of a cinephile. scary, as i believe i am in stage 5, possibly six already. i burned out after being sick and im not sure im back up to speed. or if i will ever be. i mean, stage 6 is:

Ages 42-45/ watch only Reality TV and Internet porn, get drunk alone, send mass emails linking to Armond White reviews

sounds ok to me.

how about information about listerine's "24 hour protection, use twice a day" marketing spiel? i can't get over how dumb this is.

april talking about how grownup she is now and how, upon seeing michael jordan last night she didn't say: “I’m wearing your underwear!” or “I’ll bring the toast if you bring the Space Jam!” which actually makes me sad a little. because both comments are actually really genius.

somehow, denver is named the drunkest city in america. granted, if i lived there, i would be drunk a lot. but i don't see how it beats…vegas, say.

"my perfect christmas" by james caan. words fail me. so i will quote:

You know what I like to do at Christmas time? Fuck broads - that’s what I like to do. It’s long been a practice of mine to spread peace and goodwill to all womankind during the yuletide period - skinny broads, fat broads, big titty broads, broads with glass eyes, prosthetic legs and sometimes - God forbid - ugly broads with no fuckin’ right to have my dick in them. So that’s what I like to do at yuletide – and if you don’t like it, you can stick up your ass.

it only gets better from there. man, that makes me laugh.

blogging turn 10 years old. dec 17, 1997. which is mildly interesting, as mog started 1 year later, the end of 1998. and i was blogging from them on…so 9 years now for us? wow. no wonder there are thousands of posts on here. guess we were among the early ones afterall. i usually don't toot horns, but matthew has said this bit for years. and finally, ill accept it. we were blogging before it was cool. and perhaps after it was cool too.

yup. you can buy (and make) it here, for the first time in almost a century.

i can't tell you enough what a fan i am of this drink. i got some in japan a couple of years ago and loved it. ive already ordered a bottle made here in the bay area (the st george). now to find some of the imports for sale.

nyt on it
sfgate on it
latimes on it

let the party begin! i have a faint idea what i will be knocking back on nye this year.

sigh.

its sunday night and i have no real idea where the weekend went. i don't have enough to show for it. im sitting here, on sunday night, drinking cuban rum (thanks kurt!) and wishing it wasn't sunday.

i think my mac mini has to go back to the shop. it has been coughing a lot, to the point of me re-installing tiger yesterday. and then today, it has had 4 kernal panics. yeah, i think it is safe to say that something isnt right. having never dealt with faulty apple hardware before, i am loathe to admit that it is having problems; i dont want to deal with it. but clearly something isn't right. i wanted to blame it on a specific program, but the last panic happened when only itunes was opened, so i dont think i can point at anything but some weird hardware issue at this point. (and software or hardware, a clean os and itunes shouldnt cause a fault — and it is certainly apples fault if it does have issue.)

otherwise the weekend seems to have consisted of me internalizing r's grad school app process, which can't be healthy for either of us. i have stayed away from it, but i think the unknown factors and fear of the future has really gotten the better of me now. there isn't an easy fix nor is there a point to worrying over things i cant control.

have i mentioned how much i hate my next door neighbor? i don't think i have. he plays his tv at all hours at excessive volumes. it really is awful and uncalled for. i want to believe the walls are thin. but i dont think this is the entire problem.

i can't wait to move into an apartment bigger than the one we have now. it is getting crowded. of course, that apartment could be anywhere in the united states almost so its certainly a give and take there.

i'm staring at the photos on the wall. i have plastic hangers that hold something like a dozen photos on the wall in long straight sleeves. most everyone i know has a place in these; i have 4 and i think almost every friend i know is hanging on my wall, albeit in a drunken pose. mike, andru, ben, petunia, me, eric, roxy, goose, ray, carter, my father, even goth robert all appear from where i am sitting and they make up less than 50% of the total. nostalgia is a powerful drug, kids.

the neighbors tv is so loud. its really annoying.

and hey, make that 5 kernal panics in a day, again with only itunes open. sonofabitch. guess i know what i am doing next weekend. arg.

and seriously, he needs to turn that tv way down. ass.

i guess its times to gulp the rum and escape to the bedroom. yeah, maybe being a homeowner isn't so bad after all.