was going to respond to tripps post on my last post, but i decided to just post again. i was thinking how difficult it is to 1. get up the courage to talk to a girl in the fist place. and then 2. talk to her while waiting for the train? for some reason, it just seems like an odd place to strike up a conversation, but maybe i'm just being way too dramatic. there is nothing wrong with being friendly. and if the girl isn't interested in talking to you further, then just leave it at that. maybe the fact that the girl was reading a book is even reason to strike up a conversation. who knows what could happen.
in a related story, today on the way home im waiting for the train. the platform is crowded, its hot. i just left work, and i dont really want to talk to anyone, i just want to get into an air-conditioned train car and ride home. but this guy walks up and stands beside me. i am not wearing my ipod and not reading a book. he asks me about when the train comes and if all these people will fit in the train. so i give him a short answer, and i think to myself for a sec. 'fuck man, another gay dude is hitting on me' (because for some reason this week seems to be the gay dudes hit on bitzao week, and im getting quite tired of it.) but he seems harmless enough and he asks me another question about the train. and then i say to him 'where are you from'. i learn that he is from portland, is married, has kids, and just went to the MOMA.
okay, so this gives me hope. but then there is the whole commuting thing. lets just say i do meet a girl on the subway and we hit it off. if we have the same commute every day, how much is that going to suck if things don't work out.

coming home today on the G train, the train stopped in the station and the doors didn't open. this is a pretty common occurence as the G train has a reputation for being one of the worst trains to commute on. i was a bit irritated because i wasnt feeling well and just wanted to get home as quickly as possible. it turned out that a girl had fallen on the tracks right before the train came into the station. she did not get hit by the train. she had been helped up off the tracks before the train came into the station and was clutching her leg on the platform.

what if for the first 25 years of your life you were blind. lets say you were born blind, grew up that way, were accustomed to not being able to see anything but complete darkness and maybe some blurry shades of light here and there. lets also say that you got married. and your relationship with your significant other was built on personality alone. what sensual, erotic things would you experience with your lover? your knowledge of that person would be on touch, taste, smell, hearing alone. you would never had ever seen them. you would have felt their face, but you would never know color their eyes or hair was.
now, lets say that one day you go into surgery and have new eyes put in. now you can see for the first time. you are for the first time in your life being given a new sense with which to judge how you feel about different aspects of your life. do you think that your perspective on that person might change after seeing them for the first time? or would that be completely shallow and superficial. most people would probably say yes, of course, that would be shallow and superficial. but what if, you see the person for the first time ever that you've spent the last 20 years with, and they are so god awful ugly that you cannot stand to look at them one minute longer? what would you do?

another cityscape….