Some days I cannot bring myself to behold the news. Heartbreakingly, today's is much like it was months ago–perhaps always has been–and most likely what it will be the next day. So, I flitted through the channels while jogging on the treadmill, landing on ESPN. To what avail, I ask myself. To see dopers, cheats and more dopers?

 But then something astounding happened. I saw something that made me smile, something that rekindled hope in my heart. No, not some overpaid primadonna handling a ball, but a kid in a wheelchair.

How about a long list of fun things to make Friday speed by a little faster?

The Beeb has a story about twin siblings, separated at birth, who then got married and then found out they were related. Oops.

In a related note, how about the couple in Poland who found each other at a brothel — him visiting, her working. Oops.

As is now our way, how about a joke whose punchline involves orgasms and the Golden Girls theme song? Who says art doesn't imitate life?

A new product from YouTube — glasses to make watching HD resemble the quality of YouTube videos, since, you know, we are now used to bad encoding when it comes to these "moving pictures."

How about a Hello Kitty Jesus tattoo? Yes, you read that correctly.

A serious look at Obama vs Clinton, arguing the difference is not cosmetic.

The greatest song I have heard all week — a mashup of Johnny Cash and Wu-Tang Clan. Seriously. And it is seriously awesome. This is the mp3, for those of you are lazy.

I know Kurt and John loved this, as did I. So here it is — the best part of Season 2 of The I.T. Crowd — the anti-piracy ad:

And finally, one more video. Less funny but true in too many ways.
This would be funny, if it wasn't so true. Also, Hima, I am looking at you here:

###

one more:
gladwell briefly talking about steroids and drugs.

###
one one more:
an article on news-a-rama (the comic book site) about the new issue of playboy, which happens to use bodypaint to depict the playmate as wonder woman this month. i have mixed opinions about this, frankly. i think i actually lean towards the tasteless side, but maybe that's because wonder woman leans towards fetish naturally, why do you need to sink to that lower level?

###

and again:
an injection to prevent addiction is coming. soon. guess i can pick up a trendy drug habit in the next few years. instant rehab!

i don't really get the opportunity to talk about this stuff* anymore (thankfully), so i'm going to take advantage of it. so, yesterday, i had a flex sig. for those of you not in the know and too lazy to click a link to learn more: it's a camera on a little tube thing that goes up your ass.

it's awesome. if you're into that sort of thing.

me? i'm over it mostly and have been for years. i suppose i outgrew it at some point, like clubbing til 4am or smoking cloves.

but had one i did. because i hadn't had one since i was first diagnosed with colitis (6 years ago now), i didn't know what to expect. (that had been my only flex sig; however, i got the pleasure of no less than 4 colonoscopies in the interim.) a lot has changed down there for me and the absence of a large intestine certainly should impact the procedure. plus, there would be biopsies taken. the whole thing sounds pleasant; i'm sitting here now with a scrunched up face just thinking about how pleasant it is.

so i asked for sedation, which they usually don't do for flex sigs. but i have no desire to play hero anymore, to tough things out just because. plus: free drugs. also: i'm tired of cameras up my ass.

but i get in there, after fasting for almost 24 hours, after drinking a (small amount of) liquid to flush you out (10 oz! way better than the gallon needed for a colonscopy) and 2 enemas — clearly the highlight — i let the nurse talk e out of sedation. by the time i was there, i really didn't care. my request for sedation wasn't from worry or fear or even pain; the request was more to skip over the entire episode and just get it over with.

but no sedation. the nurse offered lidocaine gel to minimize the unpleasantness. (lidocaine is a numbing agent that appears everywhere. this, it seems, includes a gel for one's asshole.) the humor began when my doctor said, "this might be uncomfortable. it's my finger."

hm, yes. it was her finger. (and that, dear reader, is what i did yesterday. i had a woman's finger up my ass. what was your highlight?)

and then the finger was out and the camera was in. and then the nurse offered the gel. my doctor responded with, "it's too late for that."

right then. looking forward to it.

so for 10 or 15 minutes, they probed my intestine. about 5 minutes in, i get my glasses back. i'm facing the monitor with the video feed and want to watch. i can't begin to explain how odd it was to be on my side, on a bed, with people doing and saying things behind me — while watching my insides on a tv in front of me. it was some kind of out of body experience.

the really odd part came a couple of times when they would do something — shifting the camera, taking a biopsy — and i was watching it on tv at the same time i could feel it inside of myself. it is almost making me giggle to think about it now, surreal in a way i have never considered.

it turns out, i believe, that your intestines work in a way i'd never considered. they don't pulse, but they act almost like a worm. smooth and straight for a moment, then contracting like a worm, until the walls look like a brain, the skin all folded and wrinkled. and repeat, but not as a pulse, not in any clear rhythm. this is how my body seems to work. it was fascinating to watch my own insides — and that made not being knocked out worth it.

afterwards, i found out they went about 18 inches into me. way farther than i expected or would have guessed. i'm tough. clearly.

afterwards also, i flirted with one of the nurses. not one of the ones who had been in on the procedure, but still. i was mildly horrified with myself, but i figured it was one way of dealing with the entire thing. as i left, i made sure to thank everyone and say, "we'll have to do this again sometime." they laughed.

i went home, felt like crap (pun not intended) and feel asleep by 9.30. i think the lack of food for 20 hours screwed me up. in the end, skipping sedation didn't really buy me a better evening. but at least i'll get pictures in january. it wasn't painful either, which is good to note for the future.

also, everything looks fine — this was my 'once a year checkup.'

* i really ought to sit down and tag all these posts under 'colitis' instead of just a search for it.

this is the r-rated trailer for harold and kumar 2: escape from guantanamo bay. it's pretty filthy on all counts, so be careful where/when you watch it.

but holy crap. it is exactly what i hoped it would be — stupid and funny. and it has neil patrick harris and rob cordry in it. so who is going to see this with me? drunk.

I will only vote for the 9/12 candidate.

a great op-ed on america's insistence on 9/11's "theme".

it is also so sad to me that everything plays out like it has. the last 7 years, most all of my friends have remained steadfast in their opinions. most everyone on here, after 9/11 but pre-iraq, was anti-war in iraq. (yes, there were exceptions). over the last 7 years, the support for bush has declined. but it has never declined enough to make a difference and the last 8 months or so, with rove and gonzales and everything else, hasn't done anything but make us all tired.

it has become a countdown to the election. apathy has set in and now all we can do is wish that next january would arrive faster. maybe that's why all the primaries have been pushed up and we have gotten all excited about the elections — it allows us to stop thinking about our current situation, where we feel helpless. and have felt helpless the last 7 years.

but the points in the op-ed above are good ones: 9/11 is over, our tactics in the 'war on terrorism' are awful and the entire episode has made us look and behave like idiots.

in un-related political news, gavin newsom (sf's mayor) pulls a trick from 'the wire' and suggests ending the war on drugs:

"If you want to get serious, if you want to reduce crime by 70% in this country overnight, end this war on drugs," he told reporters at City Hall on Thursday. "You want to get serious, seriously serious about crime and violence end this war on drugs."

now this is a dialogue worth having.

Landing on the moon? A trifle.
Curing polio? Piddling.
New energy technologies to save the world from global warming? Puh-leez!

For centuries now, science has been making meager headway on all fronts. A few gains here, some new theories there. But pretty much–with the exception of the Chevy V-8 small block–it's been like watching, I dunno, say, soccer. Played by the blind. And snails. It's been like soccer played by blind snails. Yes, that's exactly the simile I'm looking for.

 But now, now my male bretheren, science has finally done something worthwhile, something to make it worth teaching in schools and universities, something to save it from the ridicule of Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum and Karl Rove. Yes, friends, science has finally come through with an advancement that so far surpasses all previous achievements. Hubble? Fuck that guy. Newton? Douche. Galileo? Peeping Tom!

I give you, at long last, this epic achievement: Yaz - "the only birth control proven to treat emotional and physical premenstrual symptoms that are severe enough to impact the lives of women".  And the men who love them, I might add. Thank you, Jesus (and, of course, BigPharma)! Finally, we men can get out from under women's ace card: the ability to go bat shit unreasonably crazy about something, and then days later blame it on hormones.

Guys, you all know what I'm talking about. You know you do.

And you also know that you can never, ever, state the obvious: "I think you're really over-reacting here. Are you sure you aren't just a little, y'konw, hormonal?"

Because then, if you do, you die. You know it. I know it. You might as well have just hopped on a bomb in a Kubrik film and ridden it to the ground.

 Ah, sweet freedom. Thank you, geniuses at Yaz. Now, with this, we can call being batshit crazy just exactly that.

Let the sun shine. Let the sunshine in. The suuuuun shine! Let the sun shine…

so, at long last (again), i believe you have the choice of emailing the author of any post. it isn't perfect yet, but it's 85% of the way there. and functioning, which is the important part.

i'm down in san diego for the week, hanging with the roxy's family and trying to kick this kidney stone pain. its been not too terrible, due mainly to my prescription of percocet. though i did swim for quite a while today and have been slowly taking less of the painkillers — i bet 3 is my max today, compared to 4 yesterday and 4 on friday. seeing that i havent had any since 7.30 am, it seems a good sign.

while i am down here, i am going to try to spend at least an hour a day on the site; there are some pieces that are desperate for repair. that's one task, another is to finish reading harry potter. i decided to re-read them all before jumping into book 7. so for the past 2 weeks, i have been reading reading reading. i'm halfway done with 5 right now — which is also saying something, considering i started it right before bed last night and it weighs in at 850 pages. 425 pages in 18 hours isn't shabby.

yeah, that's about it for today. yay kidney aches and pains!