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‘a quiet revelation’

Posted by petunia 27 Jul 2010

how embarrassing that i have been so terribly delinquent in the last week after making such a huge declaration to be back on here and writing just a few weeks before that.  embarked on what now feels like a whirlwind comeback/reunion tour as i blaze through dc, nyc, now richmond, then back to dc again, all in a week and a half.  it’s been exhausting but amazing.  have seen sooo many friends – jill & matt, carter, jenny, sara, cheri, jane, and jesse and tracey  tomorrow and wednesday.  i really feel like my batteries have been recharged, especially making my way through each of these cities in which i used to live and somehow realizing that those times were then and have led me to the place i am now.  it brings to me a real sense of peace i think i have been missing.

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‘a number of things considered as a unit’

Posted by petunia 13 Jul 2010

misc:

i would like to wear false eyelashes, like, all the time.  i think they are beautiful.

gus is hiding under the coffee table because it’s thundering.  i’m so glad for the rain. i’m also learning to love the parts of summer that involve hibernating inside under the AC.  don’t really have too much choice about that at the moment, but maybe that’s just fortunate timing.

i’m going to a conference in a couple weeks in richmond.  i wish travel was more a part of my line of work.  i’m being put up in the swanky resort, the same place where the conference takes place. i feel like it’s the kind of place where people have affairs, or three-day long liasons.  hm.

this is what my back looked like until yesterday:

the drain is gone now, thank god.   it was probably the part of this experience that wigged me out the most.  accordingly, i flipped out a little yesterday during the removal and may have passed out for just a wee little moment.  i thought the end of the tube was just stitched into the incision, and didn’t realize that its removal would include pulling what felt like half a foot of tubing out of my back.  BARF.

you’ll notice the strip over what looks like a crater – the former home of my hump.  i’m hoping i do not have a permanent crater in my back.  i will save that question for my last post-op appointment with the surgeon.

i miss having a gay best, or at least, close guy friend.  in fact, i miss male companionship as a whole.  i used to be the chick whose majority of friends were dudes – what happened?  that just seemed a lot easier.

i’m excited to get back to the farmer’s market this weekend.

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‘go ahead as you waste your days with thinking’

Posted by petunia 11 Jul 2010

my post-surgery schedule is mind-numbing.  wake, eat, read, computer, tv, nap, repeat.  through the percoset haze, this all works very well.  then by the end of the day when i recognize that i have spent 70% of my day asleep and 20% of it watching “the hills” marathon on mtv.  it’s kind of like eating only junk food for a week.

tomorrow i go back for my post-op and get this gross drain out.  i’m relieved to have that element of this experience taken care of.  it’s weird that i could handle drains and ports and all that gross stuff when i helped take care of my mom, but that i freak out when i see it on myself.

my sister hasn’t called, or emailed, or seemingly remembered that i had surgery last week.  she has some really serious shit going on in her life, but the fact that she didn’t even look through all that for a second hurts.  i know that i am probably making a lot more of this surgery than i should, but it was -especially beforehand- really scary and stirred up a whole lot of emotions in me.  i definitely became aware of people in my life who truly give a shit and were there for me and those who just went through the motions.  that’s involved some major disappointment in some of those i thought i was close to, but i guess it’s better to have my eyes opened to it.

i’m ready to move on from this.

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‘and then it happened’

Posted by tripp 27 Apr 2009

i haven’t posted regularly in a long time.

i took out the garbage on friday morning, before chris was set to visit the apartment. i ran out of garbage bags last week and decided, being the earth-conscious person i am, to use the biodegradable corn-based bags we use in the bedroom trashcan.

here is a hint:
when you place food, dead flowers and other compostable elements into a biodegradable bag for a couple of weeks, it will more than likely biodegrade.

i lifted the bag out of the trashcan and the bottom fell off the bag. the trash went with it.

it was in the kitchen and not a huge pain to clean up (another biodegradable bag and a quick pass with the dirt devil).

chrispy was here for the weekend, which was fun but low-key. i felt guilty we didn’t do more, though there seemed to be a lot of hanging out, watching tv and drinking. these aren’t bad things, just a little less ‘doing’ than i seem used to these days.

the herve – ghetto bass mix cd is amazing. if you like herve’s sound, this is primo. and the rest of you, the ones wondering what i’m talking about: itunes link. (it’s cheap but it’s the clean version. use your own discretion, as amazon doesn’t seem to carry the domestic version.) i ‘m not even sure what genre this stuff falls into — it’s not breaks, not house, it’s almost the successor to big beat…it’s this whole chunky beat, throw-back to 90s rave but better.

if i can’t make you buy it, at least check out the two essential mixes (1 and 2) that he has done. those are free, yo.

and then buy the buraka som sistema – black diamond album. itunes has it, amazon only has the physical cd. (this one comes thanks to chrispy. well worth a listen and totally unlike anything you’ve heard.)

it got cold again, which is a bummer. i actually checked the weather this morning.

i had a dream last night about lifecasting. steve mann was in it; i was at a conference. unsurprisingly, but perhaps ironically, the conversation was about using life-casting to be accepted by others. which, really, if you’re going to wander around with a camera on your head, you have a hurdle to overcome from the get-go.

hey, it beats the dreams i was having a month ago.

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’cause it’s nine in the afternoon’

Posted by petunia 31 Jan 2009

that’s a song i only know from rockband, by the way. and i will probably buy it from iTunes, being a one person example of how smart that game is from about 101 different angles. never really anticipated my musical choices being influenced by songs i have been exposed to only through playing a video game. although, of course, i do love the super mario brothers theme. but maybe not so much that i’d download it for my ipod.

despite the sadness and loneliness and fear and anger and self-loathing that may permeate my being at various times in the midst of this break up, and i am starting to – and i have to – recognizing the good things. like waking up at 4.30 in the morning and having the prerogative to grab my laptop and type without bothering anyone. so that is another change a-comin’ down the pike.

we’re breaking up but still in the house together, at least for the next little while. it’s not unlike just having a roommate, which is peculiar and comforting at the same time. i’ve been wondering that i slid into that role more easily because less of the romantic feeling has been there between us for the last little while…maybe we were really destined to be buddies and not … lovers. (did you throw up a little? i did. i hate that word.)

my resolution to post more is incredibly strong. i see the list of posts – so strong at 1,121 – dwindle over the last year and it hurts my heart to think writing has somehow gotten the shaft and isn’t seemingly high on my list of priorities.

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the type of IM conversations i have

Posted by tripp 5 Jan 2009

april: and I’m burnt out on everything today – I need a vacation in a frozen tank a la mel gibson circa forever young

me: never saw it

april: well all you need to know is that he froze himself for ten years
and then had sex with jamie lee curtis
the end

me: sounds like what i want from life

april: Jamie Lee Curtis circa Halloween or now in the Activia commercials?

me: which halloween?  the original or h20?

april: she can’t poop
um… how about original

me: then sure
even h20, sure thing
now, not as much

april: maybe even the Freaky Friday remake

me: indeed

april: I love that movie

me: i never saw it

april: Oh god, get it quick

me: but id bone them both

april: it’ll change your life

me: and it would be the mother daughter switch
so that would be triply rad

april: I think it would be weird to have a young girl in an old woman’s body though
the flip side would be much hotter

me: pre switch then
true
so maybe never ll’s brain
nail jlc in her body pre-switch

april: exactly I mean it’s like swiss cheese anyway

me: then her in ll’s body post-switch
i now have a plot
this is seriously why i love you

april: leaky friday
tweaky friday
squeaky friday

me: and if you think im not posting this, you’re wrong

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wow, i was flustered

Posted by tripp 1 Dec 2008

it isn’t every day that the image of a certain ex-gf appears in my feed reader. but I was just flipping through articles and mashable has a story about preparing for the sat without cracking a book. and low and behold, linda’s mug is right there. it’s the first screen of the video after the intro. and it came up by default when i hit the post.

i’m still a little freaked out; so utterly random and yet unsurprising that brightstorm would get coverage. nonetheless, i didn’t expect linda to get such a large billing in such a post.

congrats! you’re pretend internet famous, ms linda. me? i’m still a little freaked out.

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