things that have happened to me recently:

1. i just had a filling. it was a little one, so it wasn't bad. but the right side of my mouth is all wonky now. i can see it being a little sore as the novocaine wears off. such is life.

2. i just read a 'made in 24 hours' comic about crohns disease. it's really good and sums up a lot of the experiences i had prior to surgery. unfortunately, crohns doesn't have the 'cure' colitis does — namely, removing the offending organ (because crohns impacts both the large and the small intestines). the only exception to my experience in this story was the energy fro 'roids. i was so sick by the time they threw me on them that i didn't even notice — in fact, most of them seemed to almost make me feel worse.

the story about food ads on tv is especially true. i don't talk too much about being sick anymore with anyone but rachael really. if you're new to the game, the hospital saga seems to start around this post — but petunia and carter and roxy all posted stuff around then too from their experiences.

here is a morsel: i was hospitalized and my parents flew out to la. they basically lived in my apartment for the 40 days i was stuck in a hospital bed, making a few flights home to hold down the fort. one of the things they did in the mornings and evenings was clean the apartment. they had nothing else to do and no other outlet for the stress my illness was causing them.

and one day, cleaning, they found the list i had made before i got super-sick. it was titled "foods i will eat again when i am well". it was a solid sheet, though written in sharpie, of foods i missed eating. everything from pizza to biscuits n gravy (which i still haven't had — i'm unsure if this is due to my not really wanting it or just sheer laziness). anyway, the list is depressing and it made my parents cry. and i still have it; i found it in a box last week. maybe ill scan it. but it really is depressing.

so yeah, this comic is pretty much what life was like for me for a (short) while. and now it isn't. it's still not ideal but i have less than zero room for complaining or whining.

3. hima wrote me the other day about patrick. we all know i enjoy the 'the world is so small!' stories. well, this time, it turns out that hima has a friend. this friend is dating a boy. the boy is the brother of patrick's wife. so it seems i am connected to both sides of the family.

hima knew a few details i didn't, but we had to agree that nothing seemed to make sense. of course, we have little information and are sitting a continent away, but still.

that too, is what makes this so weird. i was attached through vcu peeps to all of this, because patrick taught there. and because i know meg. but hima, she is all the way out here with virtually no connection back. but yet, there is one. a fairly direct one. and the fact that she an i know each other just makes it all the more odd.

seriously, how many people do i know that are connected to other people i know, independently of me? the world is tiny.

* * *

seriously, i can't be the only one that freaks out over this article: Tests reveal high chemical levels in kids' bodies

But that fascination soon changed to fear, as tests revealed that their children — Rowan, then 18 months, and Mikaela, then 5 — had chemical exposure levels up to seven times those of their parents.

and then on npr this morning, i hear someone say that the earth has had 5 major extinctions. and we are about to be number 6.

sigh.
its enough to make me want panic in the streets.

1. la : orange county :: san francisco : san jose
2. steve miller: alive or dead?
3. why charting women's behaviors against pms is a worthwhile scientific experiment
4. dentistry with glue == bad idea
5. what body part is most important to keep clean: ass, armpit, mouth, genitals.
6.

well, the good news is that i think this wraps up all my catch-up on personal photos. (actually, that's a lie — i have hundreds of scans now that need to go up; i am now caught up from digital pictures i have.) the whole flickr set is here.

so a couple of weeks ago, r and i went on a second vacation — we were in san diego, came back for a week and then headed back out, this time to virginia and the better part of the week in cape hatteras. the short version of the trip, for me, was that it was awesome. a thoroughly brilliant and perfect time. much of this, no doubt, had to do with not only being near my family, but also not being on painkillers, as i was in san diego.

the first day back was low-key: i sorted photos with my mother, cleaned out a few boxes of my junk and then r and i went to david's to see him and melissa and julia. it was julia's 5th birthday (i think it was her 5th — that seems not right, so maybe 4th. time is moving too quickly.) we got to see mike and david's mom as well — a bunch of people had shown up for cake and icecream. i didnt get to visit with david as much as i would have liked, but it was better than nothing.

on sunday, annalily took the train down from dc and we picked her up. we hung out at the house for a while, rode the atv and then went out to the shooting range for the afternoon. (annalily owes me the pictures from the shooting; as soon as i get them, i'll post some.) it was fun, but with 5 of us shooting and sharing the range, there was more standing around than shooting for any particular person. plus it was hot. we dropped annalily back at the train station and then headed over to matthew's house to see him, heather and winston. we had dinner and nick showed up as we were about to eat. i hadn't seen nick in years and r hadn't seen him since my leaving-richmond party. the bunch of us sat around the table until 10 or 11, at which point sleepiness overtook us all. (nick had to get up early, r and i were jet lagged and the new parents were exhausted.)

this might be the only time i know of where a baby has actually made me look small. for a newborn, i can't believe it. he makes me look tiny. and yeah, the picture of matthew and i below? he is totally licking my face. and i didn't know it at the time. hm.

on labor day, we drove down to hatteras. i hadn't been in years and had been wanting to drag r down there since we started dating. i wish i could go on and on about it, but i have only some bulletpoints and a single story to share. mainly in the effort to keep the post moderately short.

we stayed in townhouses right on the beach. my family has gone to hatteras since i was in diapers. the houses were we used to stay were washed away in isabel in 2003, so we had to stay somewhere new. turned out to be excellent — right on the water.

much wine was had and i spent most nights there scanning old family photos — old pictures of my mother and her sisters and parents, photos i had never even gotten to see. we kayaked and swam in the ocean, sunbathed and shopped. and ate. and ate. and walked the beach. and climbed the lighthouse. and then, on the way home went to the bass pro shop in newport news, which i have kindly dubbed the 'wal-mart of outdoor sports'. it was insane — more cammo and fishing rods and insanity than you can imagine. there was a big sign on the wall reading 'hunting: a virginia tradition'. just super intense.

the best thing we showed rachael all week was the brew thru, perhaps the best invention ever. (and the subject i alluded to last week with the quiz.)

for those of you unfamiliar with this marvel, it is essentially a drive through. that sells beer and wine. you drive through the center of the building and there are coolers on either side, allowing you to grab whatever beer-verage you desire before paying and going on your way. i know the ones we used to use down in hatteras had the cashier actually grab the beer for you so that you don't have to get out. i am not sure if all of them operate this way. how can you not love this?

one night, r and i decided to take a walk on the beach. the beaches there are covered with ghost crabs, esp at night. so armed with a flashlight (actually, a headmounted flashlight, thanks to my father), we set out to walk. crabs covered the beach, but they run when you get close and they also run from the light.

except for the one that ran towards rachael, instead of away from her. she jumped and squealed, trying to both climb me and jump into my arms at the same time. all of this was news to me — i was not ready to make any sort of a catch and she fell, pulling me with her onto the sand.

and from this, she decided that she now has a fear of crabs.

what a great week.

rachael and i are in the car, on the way to cape hatteras in north carolina. i'm excited, she seems to be. we will see how insane my family makes me over the week.

i wish i had pictures to throw up but i dont at the moment. but saturday was spent going through pictures and boxes with my parents, followed by dinner/birthday party at david's. his daughter julia had turned 5, so we showed up to hang out and eat cake and visit with him and his family. sunday, annalily came down from dc and we all went to the shooting range. fun to watch her and rachael shoot a handgun. and then we went over to matthew's house for dinner and to see his 6week old son, winston. his wife heather was there of course and nick (yes andrea, that nick) dropped by for hours and we all sat up and talked, catching up.

its been a wonderful couple of days; here is hoping a week at the beach will be just as fantastic. and ill try to get some of the pictures up in the next day or so.

i basically feel as though i am on hold on the phone, yet i am online, trying to be patient with a verizon high speed "chat representative" as i set up DSL service for my father. his 7-year old CPU finally went kaput this week and i am delighted that it will serve as an impetus to free him from the dilatory "speed" of dial-up. ironically, the rate at which this person (is it really a person? or a bot?) is responding to my problem is similar in molasses-like pace.

today was nuts. todd and zane share the same birthday, so today was the big joint birthday extravaganza, complete with sport-themed decorations, two ice cream birthday cakes, a million presents, and a seemingly equal amount of guests over, almost of all of whom were todd's family. zane doesn't really have friends here yet, which i am desperate to have change for his own well-being. he's not shy, per se, but seems to keep to himself and is a bit socially awkward when it comes to children his own age. i wonder if this comes from living with grandparents or being an only child, probably a combination of the two amongst other things.

augh. my verizon online chat just concluded. here it is in its entirety:

We are routing you to a chat representative. Thank you for contacting our Verizon High Speed Internet department. Your average wait time is 19 seconds.
You are now chatting with Adam.
Adam: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. How can I help you experience the cutting-edge technology of our High Speed Internet?
you: i have entered the address for service, including the state (VA) but am receiving the message: " Please enter a valid state for installation address. The installation address state must match the state to which the telephone number belongs."
Adam: Do you already have Verizon local service?
you: no
you: is this service still available to me? i went through it at the beginning specifying that i do not have verizon phone service.
Adam: You will need to enter the exact information that is mentioned on your phone bill.
you: i have done so, but am still receiving the same error about the state.
Adam: I'm sorry you're having difficulty. Occasionally, we experience intermittent outages. Please try ordering on line again in a few hours.
Adam: I'm sorry, but I am unable to assist you with this issue. To speak with a representative who can help you, please call (866) 993-9998.

this took 17 minutes. what wonderful efficiency!

after the death of my mother, i noticed a shift in my way of thinking about death.  at odds against the clammy hand that clutched my heart each time i thought about what happened when you die was the notion that regardless of what happened, i would go where my mother was. this has provided me a childish reassurance. my main source of security for 26 years has taken a path ahead of me, and one day i will follow.

the clammy hand still comes. maybe less than it used to, but i quickly try to meet its grip with this reassurance. for many years i have been so jealous of those who are deeply rooted in their fates, their beliefs so firmly entrenched in reincarnation or christian afterlife that the clammy hand never seizes them, freezes them. this is the closest thing i have to that, naive as it may be.

may god - or whatever entity is calling the shots, whichever version we may or may not believe in - bless you, billie schaefer. i hope my mom was waiting for you to give you a hand and help you along when you got there - wherever there is.

there are a lot of things i could (and should) write about:

the new dizzee rascal album (awesome), the new m.i.a. album (from what i have heard, also awesome), 'knocked up' (solid a. and i dont say that about movies often). i could talk about the insanity of the last three weeks when it comes to work. i could talk about the new design i'm in the process of rolling out here on madeofglass. the lack of sleep i have been getting. the pain and stress people i love are going through. the silver linings — like getting to swim every day over the last 3 or 4 weeks. the joy of getting some things done. the plans i have for the site, still.

im exhausted.
i'm sitting here, drinking an iced coffee and i can feel myself winding down, lacking an energy. what a tremendously terrible feeling.